The Wonderful World of... Toilets

I’d never thought about doing a blog on toilets before, but the other day, my toilet in my apartment decided to overflow from a stupidly placed escape valve on the side of the tank and flood the whole bathroom.  Thankfully it was clean water.  Initially, I freaked out because I keep boxes of supplies from Canada under the sink and everything was drenched.  How was I going to survive two years without a bottle of Tums or my Neti Pot sinus rinse solution?!  Luckily, I was able to salvage everything.  This lead to a conversation with my uncle about toilets which then lead me to believe that perhaps toilets are, indeed, something to “write home about”.  It should be noted that I don’t really have a lot in the way of toilet photos, but I feel that visuals are necessary in the post so I'm going to use other people’s pictures from the internet.

HONG KONG: EAST MEETS WEST IN THE WASHROOM

My biggest fear in moving to Asia was the toilet situation.  I’d heard such horror stories (and now I do have some of my own, but it no longer terrifies me.  Actually, it doesn't bother me at all.)  I stepped off the plane in Hong Kong and had to pee.  It was bound to happen sooner or later but I was hoping to at least get through immigration first.  Nonetheless, I cautiously approached the bathroom, expecting the worst, and was relieved to find that there were stalls upon stalls of that old familiar porcelain.  Ok, maybe this wouldn't be so bad. 

Depending on where you go in Hong Kong, you will have no problem finding a western toilet.  In fact, it’s very common for hotels, restaurants and malls to have very fancy washrooms with attendants who clean the porcelain throne the very second you are done using it.  Just last night, I used the washroom in the Peninsula Hotel and was greeted by a 60 year old lady in a French maid uniform.  Interesting, but not terrifying in the least.  (Well, maybe terrifying for her… that can’t be a good job.)   Western toilets are a common but relatively new thing in Hong Kong so some people prefer to use them as they would squatters.  It’s not entirely uncommon to see footprints on the toilet seat as someone perches 2.5 feet above the ground to do their business.  This even happens at work. 

So what about squatters?  We have plenty of those too.  Public washrooms in Hong Kong (ones on street corners, in parks, at beaches) usually have a choice between squatter and western.  Hong Kong squatters are actually fairly nice.  There is a standing platform made of porcelain or stainless steel.  They also have grating to prevent you from standing in your own, um, missed aims.  Using a squatty potty is an act of delicate balance and precise coordination.  You have to hold your clothes up and out of harm’s way (particularly pant legs!), balance your bags on your legs or across your shoulders, and have one hand ready with Kleenex as this is not a supplied thing and you won’t be able to dig through your bag for it afterwards.  Never go anywhere in Asia without your own stash of tissue in your purse! 

Well, that’s in Hong Kong, arguably the most westernized place in Asia.  Not every place has the choice.  It all sounds awful, and the first few times it really was… but now I'm so used to it, it honestly doesn't faze me at all.    

Typical squatty potty as found in Hong Kong

THAILAND: NOZZLE TOWN

Our first trip away from Hong Kong was to mystical Thailand… land of coconuts, pad Thai, elephants and the spray nozzle.  You can imagine our surprise when we found our hotel didn’t supply toilet paper.  A few days in, they started leaving the tiniest rolls ever on our sink counter, but that was worth one, maybe two, trips to the washroom.  Instead, beside the (western) toilet, was a hose.  We thought it was part of the shower, but it turns out, it was in lieu of toilet paper.  Didn’t use this… just bought Kleenex.  At this point, I should explain our confusion about thinking it was part of the shower.  In most parts of Asia that I’ve been to, it is very common to have an open shower head near the toilet… no tub or stall… you just move your stuff out of the way, shower, and eventually the bathroom will dry off.  (We have a separate bathtub in our apartment and consider ourselves very lucky.)  I soon learned that this spray nozzle was a luxury.

Toilet/shower combo in our hotel

Spray nozzle in a public washroom in Thailand

CHINA: NOT ALL WALLS ARE SO GREAT

China is a fascinating place (and I have the privilege to return in 22 days).  It is ancient, red and grey, with a touch of magic.  It’s a place where time has truly stood still; their culture is deeply rooted in traditions that have been steadfast for centuries.  This is also true when it comes to toilets.  Most toilets I've encountered in China are little more than holes in the ground.  If you are lucky, these holes are surrounded by enough grey bricks to give you some privacy.  (This is obviously a bring your own tissue sort of situation.) 

Small villages have community washrooms.  These are open-air brick houses that everyone shares.  These are not pleasant places… the stench is unbelievable and it’s often quite cold, but when you've gotta go…
  

So, what happens if you have to go but the community bathroom is full?  You just go anywhere.  This starts from a very young age (there are no diapers... just a flap in the back of your pants) and doesn't seem to stop.  They will do their business on the sidewalk and just keep on going about their day.

This behaviour then leaves the villages, migrates to the city and even makes its way to Hong Kong by way of tourists.  And I don’t just mean a discrete Number 1 by night in a dark alley.  I mean full drop your trousers Number 2 at midday in Tiananmen Square.  No shame.

This is my photo from outside the community washroom in the small village of Xingping.

Luckily, for those who are a little more reserved, there are plenty easily accessible public washrooms in Chinese cities.  My experiences in Chinese public washrooms have been less than stellar.  Once, I was in a very grey hutong (alley) in Beijing (I really can’t believe what a grey place it is) when the urge hit.  I found a hutong public toilet and, to my utter horror, found that the wall between each of the basic squatters was about 2 feet high.  I walked in and took my place towards the end of the row of holes, placed about a foot apart, and began the nearly comical balancing act required by squatting in the winter.  An elderly lady was to my right (how do old people squat like that?!) and a young teen, blaring music on her iPhone, was to my left.  At least the music was a distraction.  I finished, while avoiding eye contact in such close proximity and declared to my husband that it had easily been the worst washroom experience of my life.  That stands true to this day, even after having travelled through India last year.

A public washroom in Beijing.  This one looks comparatively spacious and bright.

INDIA: LEFTY WASHY, RIGHTY EATY

India, in some ways, wasn't as bad as China, but in other ways it was oh so much worse. 

The pros: there is more privacy in India.  Each public toilet is in its own stall with adequate walls around it.  Um, I guess that’s really the only ‘pro’ but I find it to be so important that it outweighs the cons.

The cons: Again, I stress, when in Asia, B.Y.O.TP.  In India, one uses their left hand (that's right, HAND)…and some water from a conveniently placed jug or trough, if you are so lucky.  I didn't do this.  Being well-travelled by this point, I knew enough to bring ample rolls.  And sanitizer.  Another ‘con’ in India was the smell of the stall.  Take a Chinese village community toilet, raise the temperature by 82 degrees Fahrenheit (I'm not even kidding, I just did the math) and you've got yourself an Indian public toilet.  And then there are the bugs.  Everywhere.  And then there was the added difficulty of wearing extremely large legged (modest) pants and a long, flowy head cover.  That’s a whole lot of stuff to keep wrapped up in your arms while you squat precariously above a very filthy trench (no porcelain grating to protect your feet here!)

Well, this is a particularly nice Indian toilet.  I never saw one this nice.  You can see the jug for water and appreciate the door for privacy.

However, India was such a friendly and mesmerizing country that it really just didn't seem that bad at the time.  I'm pretty positive there were much worse toilets in India, but we had hired a driver and I think he went out of his way to bring us to the most acceptable ones.  I guess I've become a bit of a veteran squatter at this point.  I’d be surprised if anything could shock me, toilet-wise, in this whole world now.  I feel like I've seen and done the worst of it, and that won’t stop me from coming back for more.