Well, That Escalated Quickly

***Special thanks to Chris G. for the title of this entry***

Escalating and Elevating

You’ve probably never given much thought to elevators and escalators.  Maybe it’s because we don’t have many buildings beyond a few stories tall at home, and I usually take the stairs anyway, but before moving to Hong Kong, I had no idea that there was such a thing as escalator etiquette or that elevators could be such infuriating or amusing things. 

Escalators

Maybe there is escalator etiquette everywhere and I’m just not aware of it, but I’ve never noticed it anywhere else.  Hong Kong people have a very organized and precise way of doing things, so it only makes sense that they’d treat escalators in the same way.  No matter the size of the escalator, the district it is in, or the crowd that is on it, the same rule seems to follow:  stand on the left, pass on the right.  It’s just like driving and it really works.  Have you ever been on an escalator and you’re in a hurry but there are a bunch of people in front of you so you just can’t get by?  This would NEVER happen in Hong Kong.  Just pop over to the left side and hurry yourself along.  It’s great!  I love it!  The only thing that ruins it are those pesky tourists (cause I’m a local now, you know).  They don’t know the rules. 

As a side note, it is important to know that that Hong Kong is home to the world’s longest escalator.  There are breaks in the track so people can get on and off, but this escalator goes on FOREVER.  It starts at IFC mall, upstairs from Hong Kong Station and continues into oblivion.  It might even be the proverbial stairway to heaven.  You can go straight through the Central district without ever touching the ground.  I get on the escalator at the station and it takes me about 10 minutes (if I’m being lazy and just standing still) to get to my friend Shannon’s house… and that’s only a tiny part of the escalator.  I’ve never been all the way up (or even close).  I get too distracted by Elgin Street, home to many restaurants and a comedy club.  Shannon’s been all the way to the top though.  If you want an online walking tour of the escalator, complete with pictures, go check out her blog entry on the escalator:  

http://akindleinhongkong.blogspot.hk/2011/06/walking-tour-escalator.html

I broke the unspoken rule, as I was standing still on the left-hand side to take this photo.

Elevators (known here as lifts)

I have a surprising amount to say about elevators.  First, I live on the 39^th floor, so I take one multiple times a day.  I had an really bad ear infection in November and December and now even if I just take a small elevator, my ears pop, or worse, they refuse to pop, causing me a lot of pain.  I guess this is just a lifelong thing now.  I shouldn't take small trips in elevators anyway... I should be taking the stairs!  I used to run 30 stories each night on the stairs in our old building.... haven't done that since we moved.  

It is worth it to mention that there are both extra and missing floors in all Hong Kong buildings.  I say I live on the 39^th floor because that’s what my address says, but really, I’m not sure.  I’d have to figure it out.  There is the ground floor, but that is not the “1^st floor”.  The first floor is one story up… so what we would call the second.  That adds one extra floor (and puts me at 40). However, HK people really don’t like the number 4, so a lot of the time, they will leave floors with this number out completely.  1,2,3,5,6…. Etc, eliminating 14, 24, 34…. And sometimes 13 as a courtesy to westerners.  4, in Cantonese, sounds nearly the same as the word for death…. Hong Kong people are quite superstitious about things like that.

Hong Kong is home to what I can only assume is one of the tallest elevators in the world, as this elevator is in the 5^th tallest building in the world.  At the very top (118 stories up) there is a bar called Ozone.  This is a really beautiful bar, with an amazing view and really REALLY expensive drinks.  I’ve only been to the highest bar in the world once, but it was pretty awesome.  There is an outdoor area (with very high glass walls, because it can get a bit windy up there).  It was quite windy when I was there… and a rain cloud came right into the bar!  (Farewell, meticulously flat-ironed hair!)

Cloud hair!!!!  Look, I'm actually standing INSIDE a rain cloud!

But, back to elevators.  Have you ever seen those signs in elevators that say “21 person capacity” and wondered to yourself how on earth you’d fit 21 people in an elevator?  Well, the Chinese can do it easily.  Daily, I’m in above capacity elevators at work (don’t worry, we’re still under the upper limit of the weight restriction).  It’s cramped, to say the least.  I feel like we’re a bunch of dolls trapped in a toy chest. 

Now for the infuriating things:

I have some sympathy for this situation, but I’m not going to say it didn’t get on my nerves when I was running late for work.  In our old building, since it was in the process of turning into a hotel, we had a lot of tourists from Mainland China.  Many of them came from small villages and had never even seen an elevator before.  And even so, the ones who knew how to operate an elevator couldn’t read the western-style numbers so they had no clue which floor they were on or even which one was the ground floor.  Their solution to this?  Press every button!  Or no buttons.  Many days, the elevator would pick me up on the 23^rd floor with a lot of dumbfounded tourists just riding up and down aimlessly hoping that eventually they’d end up in the lobby.  Other days, we’d visit every floor on the way down as they pressed everything that even remotely looked like a G. 

Button mashing: this is something that should be reserved for video games, not elevators.  Standing outside and elevator and mashing upupupupupupupupupupup for two minutes is not going to make the elevator come any faster (especially if the Mainland tourists have already pressed all the buttons for the other floors) but that doesn’t stop people from giving their finger a workout.  Once in, it’s closecloseclosecloseclosecloseclose.  I honestly don’t think they realize that the doors close on their own.  I find all of this very funny, but if I’m in a mood, it can be the most annoying thing in the world. 

I probably have more to say on the matter, but I have to go teach grade 3 now.  I’m going to go with the other teachers and button mash my way down to the 3^rd floor, which is really the 4^th floor, except there is no 4^th floor.  (Ok, did anyone else read ‘Sideways Stories from Wayside School’ as a kid, because that last sentence totally reminded me of that book…)

Am I Good? Am I Pretty?

Today, while watching videos on Youtube, I somehow stumbled into a dark and tragic corner of the internet.  This is a side of Youtube I didn’t even know existed, and yet it seems that thousands of teenage girls hide in this corner, hoping to see the light.  What I’m referring to is a rather large collection of videos simply titled “Am I Good?” and “Am I Pretty?”  These young girls spend a few minutes talking or singing into the camera, desperately seeking validation from friends, strangers, and creeps.  In the comments section below, there are a fair amount of nice comments, but there are also a fair amount of comments designed to tear a little girl apart.  What kind of coward hides behind the anonymity of an online moniker for the sole purpose of hurting others?  This disgusts me, but these videos and comments are simply the tip of the iceberg.

Recently, a young girl was raped.  Pictures were leaked out all over the internet and society as a whole took the perpetrators’ side (“such promising young boys”…. SERIOUSLY!!!!!!!!!)  She did nothing wrong but had to suffer for it for over a year before finally taking her own life.

Last year, a local teen took his own life after merciless cyber bullying got the best of him.  When I went to the memorial page to leave my condolences for the grieving family, I was shocked to see that the members of 4chan (an online group of sadistic teens who think they are much cooler than they actually are) had desecrated the page with hate messages.  This is where a family was trying to mourn, and the bullying still hadn’t stopped.

A few years ago, a young teenager took a photo and sent it to a stranger on the internet.   That one mistake followed her for years, from city to city, school to school.  The internet is a smaller place than we’d like to think.  She eventually paid for this mistake with her life.

It shatters my heart into a million pieces when I hear about children KILLING themselves because the world has been so unforgiving after their deepest secrets are exploited and biggest mistakes are splattered all over the internet for the world to see.  Leaked photos,  videos that can’t be taken back once viewed, cyber stalkers, and a whole new form of bullying… this is what we’re up against.

Dear Parents and Teachers: 

This is a different world.  This isn’t the same internet we became acquainted with in our late teens or early 20’s.  This isn’t about addicting games or ICQ messages with friends.  This is a scary place where cruelty makes the first move, instant gratification is king and your children are the pawns. Learn about it; educate yourself and then educate the kids in your life.  Don’t hold back.  There’s no censorship on the internet, so there should be none in your discussion about it.  Create boundaries and stick to them.  Monitor it.  Put time limits on computer usage.  Block websites.  Keep your computer in a public area.  Know their passwords.  Yes, you might be uncool.  Yes, your kids might ‘hate’ you.  But it is so worth it.  Their lives are worth it.

Dear Anonymous Cowards: 

I really have nothing to say to you.  You disgust me.    
     

Dear Anonymous Public:
Don’t perpetuate the pain someone is going through by forwarding information you shouldn’t have in the first place.  Go to the authorities when you need to.  Remember there is more than one side to a story.  Remember everyone makes mistakes.  We’re not doing enough to stop this.

Dear Teenagers:

It does get better.  I promise you this.  What you are going through today may seem like the end of the world, but it’s not.  We’ve all been there.  People who tell you that these are the best years of your life are wrong.  They’re not lying but they’re looking back through rose-coloured glasses.  You’ll have a lot more fun as a grown-up.  Yes, you have a lot of freedom and very little responsibility right now, so live it up.  But be smart.  Know that you can’t trust everyone, but the people you can trust would do anything for you.  Know that you may be living it now, but your parents lived it before… and got through it.  They really do know best.  You may feel like nobody understands what you’re going through… don’t isolate yourself.  There are 7 billion people in this world: someone understands.  That person might be closer than you think.  Reach out.  Fame is fleeting, internet fame is even moreso.  Good or bad, it’ll be over soon enough.  Hold your head high… you can get through it.  The reputation you had in high school stays in high school.  As you get older, life gives you plenty of opportunities to reinvent yourself.  Never forget where you came from and who you were, but use those opportunities to grow.  Talk to your parents, teachers, friends, siblings.  Talk to God.  Talk to yourself in journals.  Do whatever works for you.  No mistake is too big.  Except one.  Please don’t take your life… you’ll miss out on so much. 

And to the girls on Youtube…

Yes, you are pretty.  Exercise, eat healthy, brush your teeth, smile… you’ll stay that way, or become even more beautiful.  Look in the mirror and focus on what you like.  But also remember, you are more than your body.  You are more than your face.  You are more than your hair.  Find your inner beauty.  (If all you see is inner beauty, I’d like to assure you that as someone who was definitely a former ugly duckling, you absolutely can ‘grow into your looks’.)  Yes, you can sing.  Practice.  You’ll get better.  Vocal chords are like any other muscle... you can strengthen and improve them.  If you love singing, that passion is all that matters. 

You are good.  You are talented.  You are pretty.  You are you.   

Borneo, the Beautiful

Last week,we returned from our adventures in Malaysian Borneo.  Oh man, Borneo rocked!  This was definitely one of our best trips and it has left us both wanting more.  

We had an 8pm flight out of Hong Kong.  Just as we arrived at the airport, one of the most crazy storms I’ve ever seen started.  Lightning hates me.  It’s out to ruin my life.  Lightning thought to itself, “Hmmm… she’s safely inside the airport so I can’t get her directly… I’ll just have to flash around nonstop all night long so her plane can’t leave.”  Lightning, seriously, I hate you too.  I wish I knew your kryptonite.  Our plane (and every other plane) was still full of inbound passengers circling the airport, not cleared to land.  I am SO glad we were safe inside and not on that plane.  Anyway, Lightning was being a total bully outside while our flight kept getting pushed back later and later.  Eventually, the inbound plane was low enough on fuel that it had to land in nearby Macau.  We were told to get our bags, go home and come back the next morning for an 11am flight.  

Unfortunately, we had a 7:30am transfer to make by boat and due to the delay we were still at home in bed at this point.  It was a public holiday in Malaysia so we had no way of contacting them to get a later boat or even to get picked up the next day (we were supposed to have been there 3 days and 2 nights).  Where was “there”?  Pulau Tiga: the island where the first season of Survivor was filmed.  I’m a huge fan of the show.  I even tried to audition once but, despite the fact that the auditions were being held IN CANADA, it was for Americans only.  Grrr!  So staying on this island was going to be a dream come true.  Unfortunately, the tribe had spoken, my torch was snuffed, and I was definitely the first one voted off the island.  Now I know how it feels.  

Before you start to feel too sorry for me, let me tell you how awesomely things turned out.  After Survivor Island, we were supposed to spend 1 night in a resort called Pacific Sutera in Kota Kinabalu.  Since we had nowhere to go, we hopped on WiFi and booked the first few nights there as well.  When we arrived with our last minute reservations, the check-in desk supervisor took pity on us.  He said we looked sad and tired so he gave us the ultimate upgrade to the $900CDN dollar per night executive suite and free breakfast!  It was sooooo amazing.  Two bathrooms, a huge separate bedroom, full living room and a gorgeous view of the entire resort grounds and the ocean.  The resort was huge and there were many pools but we spent most of our time in the one closest to our building because it had a swim-up bar.  The grounds were sprawling and beautiful, and the entire staff was so friendly and welcoming.  This is the first time I’ve ever stayed in a resort.  Maybe it was the knowledge that we were in a completely unplanned spot at an unplanned time and that I was ok with it or maybe it was just the tropical cocktails at that swim-up bar, but I’m also pretty sure this is the first time in my life I’ve ever just truly relaxed.  This is the girl who makes detailed vacation spreadsheets and organizes everything 8 months in advance.  But things don’t always work out.  I really learned a lesson about rolling with the punches, being spontaneous and enjoying the moment.   After a few swim-up Pina Coladas, I even let my husband talk me into spending a week of our time in Ireland this summer with no pre-booked hotels.  Eeeek!  

The Pacific Sutera pool bar.  If you look closely, you can see me in my pink bathing suit, ordering a drink. (photo credit to the husband)

Pacific Sutera sunset (photo credit to the husband)

   

After Pacific Sutera, we hopped on another plane (where we got a seat upgrade) and headed east to spend one night at the Sheraton in Sandakan, before the adventures began.

The next morning, we spent two hours heading straight out to sea in a small, very fast speedboat.  It was a weird feeling to watch the land slowly slip away into nothingness and be completely surrounded by endless blue.  Finally, after an hour or so, a little dot appeared.  As we got closer, it got bigger.  The white sand, the clear turquoise water…. It was the kind of thing you only see in National Geographic magazines, but there it was, an island oasis stretching out in front of me.  We pulled up to the jetty, which was attached to the island by a long wooden walkway over the water.  The restaurant was down another over-water walkway in the other direction.  The circumference of the island was home to beautiful cottages.  The front door was on land and the back door opened up onto a private balcony over the water.  But we weren’t there to look at cottages.  We were there to dive!

Lankayan Island Dive Resort (photo credit to the husband)

I learned to dive a year and a half ago in Hong Kong.  Hong Kong’s waters are so barren and dirty that I found diving to be quite scary.  Going 18 metres deep when I couldn’t see my hand in front of my face caused me so much anxiety.  There were a few times when I couldn’t see the surface of the water or the ocean floor.  Suspended in the middle, I lost all orientation and sense of direction.  It was a terrifying feeling.  Hong Kongers overfish their part of the ocean.  Also, the pollution is so bad I’m not sure anyone would want to live in the ocean here anyway.  When I finally reached the ocean floor and could see about 2 feet at a time, it was like looking at a post-apocalyptic wasteland.

Last year, we dove in the Capetown Aquarium predator tank and that was significantly better because there were fish (including sharks!) and clear water.  But I wasn’t weighted properly (hadn’t been in Hong Kong either) and had a lot of trouble controlling my buoyancy.

   

I was nervous for my first real ocean dive.  It turns out there was nothing to fear.  When you are diving in waters with good visibility and signs of abundant life, all the anxiety just melts away.  I still had a few issues with buoyancy control which caused me to stick my knee directly on an anemone and get a massive sting, but I had it all figured out by the end.  We saw a shark (happy day!), lots of stingrays, 2 sea turtles and tonnes of fish.  It was so beautiful.  I felt like an explorer in a new world down there.  And I loved looking 20 metres above me to see the surface of the water, with the sun shining through.  It was an amazing experience and I can’t wait for our next dive trip.  

Me diving (and loving it) (photo credit to the husband)

After 4 days on the dive island, it was jungle time!  Back on land, we drove to a nearby orangutan reserve to watch them have their breakfast.  Then we were off on a 3 hour roadtrip deep into the Sukau jungle.  The jungle was amazing.  It look wild and untouched.  We spent three days living on the banks of the Kinabatangan River and doing riverboat cruises to see a billion monkeys and birds.  We did some jungle trekking but that was not the greatest time.  We learned a little too late that leeches in Borneo not just in the swampy ground, but also in trees!  My poor husband had 3 leech encounters as these heat-seeking monsters jumped from trees and attached themselves to his arm and head.  My favourite part of our jungle stay was the night cruising.  We got to watch so many sleeping birds and see swallows flitting about in a cave.  The only downfall was the lightning on the second night.  The lightning was pretty far away, but the sky was big and it looked closer.  At one point, I may or may not have been curled up in fetal position, half on the floor of the boat, half on my husband’s lap, shaking and asking for my last rites.

Morning mist on the Kinabatangan River (photo credit to the husband)

Monkey!!!!! (photo credit to the husband)

Night cave swallows

 The next afternoon, we hopped on a plane back to Kota Kinabalu, where we began.  After all the outdoors adventure, we figured we deserved a break so we stayed in the lovely, 5-star Shangri-la Tanjung Aru.  It was beautiful, right on the water with a massive infinity pool.  Just what we needed for our last 2 days in Borneo.

Infinity pool at the Shangri-la

Now we’re back in Hong Kong and looking forward to our next adventure (our summer Euro-trip).  But we’ll definitely be back in Borneo at some point.  Pulau Tiga has kindly offered to credit our Survivor stay so we can come back anytime in the next year.  I consider this my version of “redemption island” (Sorry, for all the Survivor jokes in this post, non-Survivor fans.)  And we definitely want to explore other areas of Malaysia in the future. Malaysia, we are not done with you!  

My Job

Being a ‘Native English Teacher’ (NET) is pretty much the greatest job in the world.  NET jobs in Hong Kong are some of the most sought after teaching experiences in Asia, and it’s not hard to see why:

1.  There is a very small workload (compared to teaching at home… well, compared to any job I’ve ever had, actually).  My sister jokes that my job is actually Facebook because I’m pretty much always there.  Yes, she’s right… there is a lot of ‘desk time’ at work (so why don’t I write more blog entries?) but there are also times when I work hard.  Sometimes I let the marking pile up for weeks and then tackle it all in one crazy day when I don’t have a lot of classes.  That’s what my plan is today.

2.   This is the first job I’ve ever had where I feel like I make what I deserve.  (Ok, if I’m being honest, I make more than I deserve.)   Aside from a generous paycheque, we get a “living allowance”.  For most people, this is more than enough to cover rent and bills each month.   There are more paid sick days than you’d ever think you could use (until you move to Hong Kong and realize how poor the air quality is).  And there are approximately 12 weeks of paid vacation time spread throughout the year.  You just can’t beat that.   

3.  The kids are so adorable.  They’re very eager to learn and that makes teaching them a rewarding and fun experience.  When I walk down the hall, I feel like a movie star:  Miss Stephanie!!!  Miss Stephanie!!!  You’re so beautiful!!!  (Ok, that’s probably their limited English vocabulary, but I’ll take what compliments I can get!)

Of course, there are a few negative points (but really, not many):

1. For the most part, you teach using a textbook and/or program.  This means there’s very little room for creativity or deviation from the plan. 

2.  Some people find it isolating to be the only Westerner in the workplace.  (I don’t feel like this.  My co-workers are awesome!)

A Typical Week

I work from 7:45-3:45.  I have an average of two to three 70 minute classes each day.   Mostly, I teach phonics.  There is absolutely no prep for these lessons, but there is always marking afterwards because each class I teach absolutely must have a worksheet.  Without tangible busy-work, the parents have no proof their children have learned anything.  I teach P1 and P3 classes every week (grade 1 and 3) and P2 and P4 on alternating weeks.  There are 4 classes at each level.  (See my old post Childhood Lost for more information on Hong Kong classes.)

On some Mondays, and occasional Tuesdays, I do after school discussion groups for P5 and P6 students.  I LOVE doing this.  It’s a great chance to know my students on a more personal level and they can practice their English in relaxed, casual atmosphere. 

On Wednesday afternoons, all classes stop at 2:30 and kids go to their extra-curricular activities.  Along with another teacher, I run the English Ambassadors Club.  This is a group of 20 of the top English achievers in P3.  We have to interview them during their last week in P2 to see who makes the cut.  I hate interviewing and choosing between seven year olds (welcome to the competitive pressures of Hong Kong) but I love running English Ambassadors.  We play team building games, go on English-related field trips, discuss interesting topics, watch movies… in short, the kids are able to have fun in school!  In my first year here, our English Ambassadors even had Canadian penpals.  Super fun!

We get 1 hour and 5 minutes for lunch.  Occasionally, I have fun lunch time activities for the younger kids, but mostly, I just eat lunch.

About once every 2 months, I run a 5-10 minute English TV show at lunch time.  I write a little script for some of the kids to read and find/make a video for them to talk about (some past TV shows have included an exercise video made by P2 students and an account of our English Ambassadors trip downtown to interview tourists).  About once a month, I run a 5-10 minute English assembly where we learn fun English vocabulary or games that we wouldn’t normally learn in class (some past assemblies have featured things like Mad Libs, personal hygiene, and the Christmas story with English vocabulary)

It should be noted that, while this is a typical week, it’s certainly not every week.  Some weeks are full of downtime and other weeks are completely crazy.  While I am in school from late August to mid July,  I don’t teach at all in the month of September because all the other teachers are still developing their routines.  And all my classes stop for the year at the beginning of June.  Four times throughout the year (November, January, March, and June) the students have exams.  The week before their exams is absolutely crazy for me.  I have to do revisions in all the classes, plus I do oral exams where I have to take each student in P3 and P4 individually and have the read a passage and identify target phonics sounds.  However, the next week and a half makes up for it because I don’t teach at all.

So that’s basically Hong Kong teaching in a nutshell.  I’m going to end this now because I have to go teach, but I strongly urge all unemployed or underemployed teachers I know to apply for the NET Scheme in Hong Kong.  Ask me how.  You won’t regret it.

It's Different!

When you move to a new country, you are bound to notice differences between your new home and your old one.  Of course, there are the big, overarching things like language and food but, for me, those pale in comparison to the little everyday things.  Throughout the past week, I’ve taken note of these differences for the sole purpose of sharing them with you.  Some are great, some are horrible and some are just, well, different.  Here they are, in no particular order:

-When you order delivery or take-out, your sauces come in little plastic baggies, not containers or sample-sized commercial packages… just a baggie.  And there aren’t drink trays.  Drinks come in bags too.  Perfectly sized bags.  This is not environmental, but it’s very convenient.  (For the record, I’d rather have an environmental choice.) 

-My students bow to me.  It’s not because I’m a princess though.  It’s because that’s just how each class begins (“Good morning, Miss Stephanie”) and ends (“Good-bye and thank you, Miss Stephanie”).  I’m not sure if this is good or not.  I mean, it’s absolutely adorable and it teaches respect (something that western students are sorely lacking) but if they get it wrong, the local teachers make them repeat their greetings over and over.  That kind of takes something away from it.  I much prefer the excited murmurs of my name when I walk in (before they are hushed).

-School janitors do everything.  It’s amazing!  At our school, we have one janitor per floor (8 floors).  They collect student homework and put it in class cubbies on the teachers’ floor so we can easily get it and mark it.  When we’re done marking, we just put it in the “outbox” cubbies on the other side and it gets delivered back to the students in class.  The janitors also take care of lunches.  My lunch magically appears on my desk each day.  If I bring something from home and want it heated, there it is.  If I order delivery, it’s waiting for me when I’m done class (complete with baggies of hot sauce and soy sauce, of course).  These amazing janitors, that I’m ever so grateful for, also do all our photocopying.  I print a paper worksheet, fill out a copy instruction form in my limited Chinese (date, name, colour, stapled, double-sided) and stick it in the outbox… a few hours later, there it is!  The janitors are a true part of our school family.  They work hard and are very appreciated by everyone.

-We can touch students. I mean, you don’t go out of your way to do it, but no one is going to get sued or lose their teaching license over a pat on the back or comforting hug. 

-Ambulances do not have the right of way.  They get cut off, stuck in traffic jams and stopped at red lights just like everyone else.  After all, a vehicle is a vehicle so why should there be any exceptions. Um, but saving lives?  No, we’re all in a hurry.  What’s fair is fair. 

-Everything is taped shut, like the way a practical jokester would wrap a Christmas present.  This is good because you know your food hasn’t been tampered with, but I’m really sick of spending 5 minutes opening a package of strawberries.

-On that note, produces lasts one day (so, only about 2x as long as it takes to open it).  I’m not sure why this is… maybe because it’s so hot and humid?  I bought some asparagus on Tuesday around 5:00 but forgot to put it in the fridge when I got home. By 9:00, the tips were covered in white mold.

-Something I never thought I’d have to say (multiple times) in class:  Do not do your origami while I’m teaching.

-Hong Kong people LOVE going to the doctor.  About half the staff at my school have been sick this week.  They keep posting pictures of all the medicine the doctors have given them.  If you see a doctor in Hong Kong, you can expect to come away with at least 6 or 7 different pills (all in baggies!)  I’m sick right now too, and they keep pressuring me to go to the doctor.  They don’t understand my self-medicating with vitamin C, water, and sleep.  I am willing to bet I get better before them or this thing will run its natural course and we get better at the same time. 

-I’m short… things are my size: peep holes (I’d never looked through a peep hole before moving here), shoes, inseams, chairs, brooms, countertops, window locks (they don’t have that pesky latch at the top that I have to stand on a chair to reach).

-Hand gestures for ‘come here’ and ‘go away’ are different.  Our palm up ‘come here’ motion means nothing.  Our palm down ‘go away’ is the Hong Kong ‘come here’.  There have been countless times where I’ve being doing one on one stuff with students and I will motion for the next student in line to step back a bit, but then they come even closer.  It took me a long time to figure out what was going on with my poor, confused students.

-Phone numbers have 8 digits.

-McDonalds serves 24 hour breakfast and does home delivery.  (You are so jealous.)

-I get paid monthly.  Gas, hydro and electricity are paid every 3 or 4 months and are MUCH cheaper than back home. 

-There are too few peanut butter based desserts (though Mrs. Fields just started carrying peanut butter cookies last week and they are amazing). 

So (abruptly stopping) those are the differences I noticed this week.  Well, I spent the weekend in Bangkok and the last few days being sick… so I guess I should say those are the differences I noticed on Monday and Tuesday.  

Beneath the Surface

True Story: Our July 1^st Adventure

Imagine this:  You are on a yacht, anchored in a secluded cove.  After sunbathing and sipping on a few mojitos, you decide to jump into the water.  All your friends are there, laughing, splashing, playing…. Really, it’s the perfect day.

All of a sudden, someone screams “SHARK!!!!”  In that moment, everything changes.  “Da na, da na, da-na-da-na-da-na” becomes your anthem as you swim back to the boat.  Salt water fills your mouth and panic floods your mind as you compete with your friends for a spot on that ladder to safety.  Finally on board, you turn around to view the chaos.  The once still water is choppy from the mass struggle to climb aboard. Abandoned pool noodles drift aimlessly out to sea.  And (da na, da na, da-na-da-na-da-na) a large, dark fin pierces through the water and begins to circle your boat.

Ok, now calm down and take a deep breath.  Now hold that breath and let’s dive under the water to see what’s really going on. 

This shark, with his telltale white spots and dark, rounded dorsal fin is a whale shark, the largest shark in the ocean.  Although his immense size makes him terrifying to look at, he is actually as harmless as a kitten.  The whale shark rarely even eats fish, but rather fills his metre-wide mouth with plankton or krill.  This 15 foot beast (this one is a baby) is just playing in the surf and enjoying a filter feeder feast fit for the king of the ocean.  There is nothing to fear here. 

Except people.

Our whale shark friend, taken by my husband on July 1st, 2012

I Speak for the Sharks (This is where I get a bit preachy.)

Those who know me well (actually, probably even those who just know me casually) know how much I love sharks.  The day described above was one of the greatest days EVER.  I have dived with great whites and ragged tooths in South Africa and this April, I’m going to Borneo to dive with whale sharks during their migration.  Not everyone shares my deep affection for sharks, and I get that, I really do.  But sharks and shark conservation is something I feel very passionate about… If I can reach even one person and change their minds through this blog entry, I will be happy. 

Sharks are not mindless, demon-eyed, killing machines.  Yes, sharks are calculating… but they are quite smart, very cautious, curious, and even funny or playful.  While a whale shark may be the unusually docile giant of the shark family, most sharks share its disinterest in humans.  Sharks kill, on average, 6-10 people a year.  Humans kill millions of sharks.  Clearly, they have a lot more to fear from us than we do from them. 

Most shark “attacks” are little more than cases of mistaken identity.  A surfer paddling out to ride a wave looks remarkably like a seal from below.  Mr. Shark takes a bite, thinks “this meal is all sinewy and tough” and just spits it out.  This is why people will often lose a limb but rarely be devoured.  My sympathies go out to people who have had this happen.  I can’t imagine how devastating it must be.  As a diver, I know this is a risk I take every time I get in the water, but the odds of disaster are so small so it is a risk I’m perfectly happy taking.  I am in their world and I respect that.


Sharks lose their limbs to humans too though, in a much more deliberate and pre-meditated way.  In China, shark fin soup is a cruel delicacy.  It is served as both an appetizer and a status symbol at weddings and banquets.  The shark’s fin doesn’t even add anything to the soup; the soup would be the same without it!  All the flavour comes from the broth.  With Chinese New Year approaching, this is a horrible time to be a shark.  Anywhere from 30-100 million sharks are killed each year, just for their fins.  The number varies widely because there are so many illegal killings that no one can know for sure.  I would put a realistic guess at somewhere around 40-50 million.  Unlike humans, who can lose a limb and still lead a fulfilling and satisfying life, sharks suffer a most undignified death after losing their limbs.   The sharks are hulled onto the boats, their fins are hacked off and they are tossed back into the ocean, without regard.  Humans have their precious, priceless fins in a bowl of soup and the sharks have a painful, terrifying death as a starving, suffocating torso on the ocean floor.  

Shark fins drying on a Hong Kong rooftop (not my photo, but not sure where to credit)

 Without sharks in the ocean, our eco-system would change drastically.  Aren’t we already doing enough to our poor planet?  Are we really going to attempt to eliminate a species that has been around for 400 million years?  We need them!  We don’t know exactly what sort of effect shark extinction would have in our waters, but eliminating the oceans’ biggest predator is sure to be bad.  If we can’t save sharks just for the sharks’ sake, can we at least save them for the future of the ocean? 

Da Na, Da Na, Da-Na-Da-Na-Da-Na

In Hong Kong, they take their fear of sharks to epic levels.  It would almost be hilarious if it weren’t so sad.  After our whale shark sighting, the police sailed in on a massive boat and blasted through a megaphone that we need to stay out of the water.  We really wanted to swim, so we had our captain take us about 15 minutes away to another area, more populated with other holiday partiers. (July 1^st is not just Canada Day, but also Hong Kong Special Administrative Region Day.)  We had been in the water for all of 10 minutes when the same police boat came to our new spot and ordered us and everyone else out of the water.  Later that day, they closed every single beach in Hong Kong, some about 3 hours away by water.  Over-reaction to a single shark?  I think so.  Every public beach in Hong Kong is already roped off with shark netting.  This is another unnecessary and barbaric way to deal with sharks.  Sharks get tangled in the nets and endure a long, suffocating death (many sharks need to move forward in the water in order to breathe), often dying from exhaustion as they struggle to break free.  Also, the nets don’t really work because around 40% of the trapped sharks are on the beach side anyway. 

There are very few sharks left in Hong Kong waters as it is.  In fact, there are very few fish at all.  I did my dive training here.  In my 4 days of training, I only saw 2 clown fish.  That’s it.  So let’s stop trapping them in their own home, let’s stop eating and torturing them.  Let’s just let them live.  Sharks take a very long time to mature and reproduce.  We need to give them that time, fish responsibly and learn to appreciate this misunderstood and majestic creature.

Diving with ragged tooth sharks in the Cape Town predator tank

  

So Fat! So Fat!

Chinese people have what some may deem a genetic advantage: they are, for the most part, very slender.  This is just a fact.  Put the average Western person next to the average Chinese person and that Westerner is going to look like a giant.  This can be good sometimes… I can always find my husband in a crowd!

I’ve never been a big person.  In fact, I’ve always been fairly small.  Curvy, but small.  In Hong Kong, I’m on the larger size of average among my co-workers but I did not plan to let my 10lbs weight advantage on my new friends get in the way of my life here.  Admittedly, I’ve put on some weight since moving here… it’s probably more than 10lbs now.  The cheap cab fares have made me lazy and, as it turns out, I’m a stress eater.  Hello, my name is Stephanie and I’m a chocoholic. 

In North America, we obviously see slender, fit women who are beautiful, but we also see overweight women who are equally gorgeous.  Just the same, either a tiny or large woman could be very ugly.  We’ve seen it all.  If you’re from North America, you likely have friends of all shapes and sizes and have never given it much thought.  There is such a variety of body types and such a variety of people who love and accept each one.  Of course people are still marginalized and ostracized but, on the whole, we accept and acknowledge beauty in its many forms.    

Unfortunately, Hong Kong doesn’t see it that way.  In Canada, I’m average (I range from size 6-8).  In Hong Kong, I think I’m borderline obese.  This drastic shift in knowing how I’m viewed by the public has really been playing tricks with my mind… seriously, who develops self-esteem issues for the first time at the tender age of 29?   

    

Here, there is no “curvy” or “overweight”.  There’s just perfect or fat.  No polite words, no beating around the bush.  And if you’re fat, you’re ugly.  There is just no arguing this.  And people here are blunt.  If they think you’re fat, they’ll just tell you.  Maybe it’s a lack of English vocabulary to say it more politely or maybe it’s a cultural difference in thinking it’s acceptable to say at all, but I’ve been told I’m fat many times in some pretty hurtful ways.  In Hong Kong, weight is a small talk topic.  In North America, we say “How is your family?” or “What do you think of this weather?” but in Hong Kong, small talk goes like this:

Person A: Hi!  Long time, no see… Wow!  You’ve put on weight.  You’re looking fat now!
Person B: Yes, I just started a new job so I haven’t had time to exercise lately.
Person A: Oh, well take care of yourself or you will get very fat like Person C. *points to a slightly pudgy Person C*
Person C: *seemingly not noticing the jab* New job?  How much money do you make?
Person B: Around $50,000 per month. (Financial status is also fair game to discuss.)    

So no one seems to care or take it to heart if someone just blatantly calls them fat.  But I care and it’s something I really struggle with over here, on my own behalf and on the behalf of others. 

In the classroom, it can be downright painful to listen to.  What is deemed as a classroom joke here would make national news headlines back home:

Me: Our sound today is ‘c’…. who can think of some words that begin with ‘c’.
Child: Cake!
Me: Very good!  C-c-c-cake.  Say it together now.
Class:  C-c-c-cake.
Me: Mmmm, who likes to eat cake?
Child: Me!!!!
Local Teacher: That is why you are so fat!

This was a real conversation, word for word.  When I told the other teacher later how awful that was, she replied that it was a joke and the child knew it because he’d made the same sort of joke about his love of food earlier that week.  Well, in my brief experience being “fat”, I have already learned that I would be the type of person who would make jokes about myself… that doesn’t mean I’d want to have jokes thrown right back at me.  Maybe it’s so imbedded in the culture that this child truly is fine with comments like this.  I somehow doubt it though.

Here are a few of the scarring things that have happened to me in the past few years:

-The first time I learned I was fat, I was shopping and had a few pairs of jeans in my hands.  I asked if I could try them on.  The sales lady looked me up and down and shook her head.  I watched, confused, as other people walked in and out of the fitting room.  Well, I wasn’t about to buy jeans without trying them on so I put them back.  I was still holding a button up sweater that I wanted to buy as I continued to browse.  A few minutes later she came back and grabbed everything out of my hands and told me that nothing would fit me in their store.

-I told my very petite local friend this story and she didn’t believe me.  She thought I must have misunderstood something.  We decided to go shopping together so I could show her what it’s like for me.  In the first store, I wanted to try on a dress and she wanted to try on a pair of pants.  She was holding both items when we went to the fitting rooms.  They waved her in, but when she handed the dress to me, a look of flustered embarrassment came over the sales girl as she explained to my friend that I would not be allowed in. 

-When I was getting my scuba diving license, I couldn’t be weighted properly.  They’d never seen anyone as buoyant as me before and made no bones about telling me so.  Standing on the boat in a skin tight wetsuit, I was told I might be too fat to dive.  I promptly lost many pounds of water weight in the form of tears.  And then I got my diving license anyway because if whales can manoeuver themselves in the ocean, I surely can!

-This summer, I went back to Canada and definitely overdid it on eating Reese’s and poutine.  What can I say… these are the things I miss while overseas.  So, after 5 weeks away, I stepped into the staffroom at work.  Immediately, a well-meaning co-worker ran up to me, jumped up and down with excitement, rubbed my belly and congratulated me.  This was the single most embarrassing moment of my life.  It wasn’t a baby-bump at all… just the remnants of my summer fling with cheese curds and gravy, stuffed into my size 7 jeans. 

-Ok, that was awkward, right?  Let’s end this blog on a light note.  So, a few years ago, I was walking on an overpass, across the highway to the train station.  It’s very common to see vendors of all sorts on these overpasses, handing out flyers or peddling their wares.  One man in a business suit said something to me in Chinese and tried handing me a flyer.  I smiled and tried to move on because I didn’t understand him and couldn’t read the flyer.  He then proceeded to yell after me in English, “So fat!  So fat!”  WHAT!?  I carried this horrible phrase around with me for over half a year, until the night of my bachelorette party at a stand-up comedy show.  A comedian came out on stage and proceeded to tell the EXACT same story about his girlfriend.  I was floored!  I wasn’t the only one who’d had to go through this public humiliation, but how was this funny?  Then came the punch line: his girlfriend came home crying and he had to explain to her that Mr. Business Suit was a real estate agent and that “So fat!” was actually a laboured attempt at saying “Show flat.”  This man, without his ability to pronounce “sh” or “l”, was just trying to sell me an apartment!  I have never laughed so hard in my life.

So that's my story.  I'm just an average-sized white girl trying to make it in a Chinese world.