Am I Good? Am I Pretty?

Today, while watching videos on Youtube, I somehow stumbled into a dark and tragic corner of the internet.  This is a side of Youtube I didn’t even know existed, and yet it seems that thousands of teenage girls hide in this corner, hoping to see the light.  What I’m referring to is a rather large collection of videos simply titled “Am I Good?” and “Am I Pretty?”  These young girls spend a few minutes talking or singing into the camera, desperately seeking validation from friends, strangers, and creeps.  In the comments section below, there are a fair amount of nice comments, but there are also a fair amount of comments designed to tear a little girl apart.  What kind of coward hides behind the anonymity of an online moniker for the sole purpose of hurting others?  This disgusts me, but these videos and comments are simply the tip of the iceberg.

Recently, a young girl was raped.  Pictures were leaked out all over the internet and society as a whole took the perpetrators’ side (“such promising young boys”…. SERIOUSLY!!!!!!!!!)  She did nothing wrong but had to suffer for it for over a year before finally taking her own life.

Last year, a local teen took his own life after merciless cyber bullying got the best of him.  When I went to the memorial page to leave my condolences for the grieving family, I was shocked to see that the members of 4chan (an online group of sadistic teens who think they are much cooler than they actually are) had desecrated the page with hate messages.  This is where a family was trying to mourn, and the bullying still hadn’t stopped.

A few years ago, a young teenager took a photo and sent it to a stranger on the internet.   That one mistake followed her for years, from city to city, school to school.  The internet is a smaller place than we’d like to think.  She eventually paid for this mistake with her life.

It shatters my heart into a million pieces when I hear about children KILLING themselves because the world has been so unforgiving after their deepest secrets are exploited and biggest mistakes are splattered all over the internet for the world to see.  Leaked photos,  videos that can’t be taken back once viewed, cyber stalkers, and a whole new form of bullying… this is what we’re up against.

Dear Parents and Teachers: 

This is a different world.  This isn’t the same internet we became acquainted with in our late teens or early 20’s.  This isn’t about addicting games or ICQ messages with friends.  This is a scary place where cruelty makes the first move, instant gratification is king and your children are the pawns. Learn about it; educate yourself and then educate the kids in your life.  Don’t hold back.  There’s no censorship on the internet, so there should be none in your discussion about it.  Create boundaries and stick to them.  Monitor it.  Put time limits on computer usage.  Block websites.  Keep your computer in a public area.  Know their passwords.  Yes, you might be uncool.  Yes, your kids might ‘hate’ you.  But it is so worth it.  Their lives are worth it.

Dear Anonymous Cowards: 

I really have nothing to say to you.  You disgust me.    
     

Dear Anonymous Public:
Don’t perpetuate the pain someone is going through by forwarding information you shouldn’t have in the first place.  Go to the authorities when you need to.  Remember there is more than one side to a story.  Remember everyone makes mistakes.  We’re not doing enough to stop this.

Dear Teenagers:

It does get better.  I promise you this.  What you are going through today may seem like the end of the world, but it’s not.  We’ve all been there.  People who tell you that these are the best years of your life are wrong.  They’re not lying but they’re looking back through rose-coloured glasses.  You’ll have a lot more fun as a grown-up.  Yes, you have a lot of freedom and very little responsibility right now, so live it up.  But be smart.  Know that you can’t trust everyone, but the people you can trust would do anything for you.  Know that you may be living it now, but your parents lived it before… and got through it.  They really do know best.  You may feel like nobody understands what you’re going through… don’t isolate yourself.  There are 7 billion people in this world: someone understands.  That person might be closer than you think.  Reach out.  Fame is fleeting, internet fame is even moreso.  Good or bad, it’ll be over soon enough.  Hold your head high… you can get through it.  The reputation you had in high school stays in high school.  As you get older, life gives you plenty of opportunities to reinvent yourself.  Never forget where you came from and who you were, but use those opportunities to grow.  Talk to your parents, teachers, friends, siblings.  Talk to God.  Talk to yourself in journals.  Do whatever works for you.  No mistake is too big.  Except one.  Please don’t take your life… you’ll miss out on so much. 

And to the girls on Youtube…

Yes, you are pretty.  Exercise, eat healthy, brush your teeth, smile… you’ll stay that way, or become even more beautiful.  Look in the mirror and focus on what you like.  But also remember, you are more than your body.  You are more than your face.  You are more than your hair.  Find your inner beauty.  (If all you see is inner beauty, I’d like to assure you that as someone who was definitely a former ugly duckling, you absolutely can ‘grow into your looks’.)  Yes, you can sing.  Practice.  You’ll get better.  Vocal chords are like any other muscle... you can strengthen and improve them.  If you love singing, that passion is all that matters. 

You are good.  You are talented.  You are pretty.  You are you.