So Fat! So Fat!

Chinese people have what some may deem a genetic advantage: they are, for the most part, very slender.  This is just a fact.  Put the average Western person next to the average Chinese person and that Westerner is going to look like a giant.  This can be good sometimes… I can always find my husband in a crowd!

I’ve never been a big person.  In fact, I’ve always been fairly small.  Curvy, but small.  In Hong Kong, I’m on the larger size of average among my co-workers but I did not plan to let my 10lbs weight advantage on my new friends get in the way of my life here.  Admittedly, I’ve put on some weight since moving here… it’s probably more than 10lbs now.  The cheap cab fares have made me lazy and, as it turns out, I’m a stress eater.  Hello, my name is Stephanie and I’m a chocoholic. 

In North America, we obviously see slender, fit women who are beautiful, but we also see overweight women who are equally gorgeous.  Just the same, either a tiny or large woman could be very ugly.  We’ve seen it all.  If you’re from North America, you likely have friends of all shapes and sizes and have never given it much thought.  There is such a variety of body types and such a variety of people who love and accept each one.  Of course people are still marginalized and ostracized but, on the whole, we accept and acknowledge beauty in its many forms.    

Unfortunately, Hong Kong doesn’t see it that way.  In Canada, I’m average (I range from size 6-8).  In Hong Kong, I think I’m borderline obese.  This drastic shift in knowing how I’m viewed by the public has really been playing tricks with my mind… seriously, who develops self-esteem issues for the first time at the tender age of 29?   

    

Here, there is no “curvy” or “overweight”.  There’s just perfect or fat.  No polite words, no beating around the bush.  And if you’re fat, you’re ugly.  There is just no arguing this.  And people here are blunt.  If they think you’re fat, they’ll just tell you.  Maybe it’s a lack of English vocabulary to say it more politely or maybe it’s a cultural difference in thinking it’s acceptable to say at all, but I’ve been told I’m fat many times in some pretty hurtful ways.  In Hong Kong, weight is a small talk topic.  In North America, we say “How is your family?” or “What do you think of this weather?” but in Hong Kong, small talk goes like this:

Person A: Hi!  Long time, no see… Wow!  You’ve put on weight.  You’re looking fat now!
Person B: Yes, I just started a new job so I haven’t had time to exercise lately.
Person A: Oh, well take care of yourself or you will get very fat like Person C. *points to a slightly pudgy Person C*
Person C: *seemingly not noticing the jab* New job?  How much money do you make?
Person B: Around $50,000 per month. (Financial status is also fair game to discuss.)    

So no one seems to care or take it to heart if someone just blatantly calls them fat.  But I care and it’s something I really struggle with over here, on my own behalf and on the behalf of others. 

In the classroom, it can be downright painful to listen to.  What is deemed as a classroom joke here would make national news headlines back home:

Me: Our sound today is ‘c’…. who can think of some words that begin with ‘c’.
Child: Cake!
Me: Very good!  C-c-c-cake.  Say it together now.
Class:  C-c-c-cake.
Me: Mmmm, who likes to eat cake?
Child: Me!!!!
Local Teacher: That is why you are so fat!

This was a real conversation, word for word.  When I told the other teacher later how awful that was, she replied that it was a joke and the child knew it because he’d made the same sort of joke about his love of food earlier that week.  Well, in my brief experience being “fat”, I have already learned that I would be the type of person who would make jokes about myself… that doesn’t mean I’d want to have jokes thrown right back at me.  Maybe it’s so imbedded in the culture that this child truly is fine with comments like this.  I somehow doubt it though.

Here are a few of the scarring things that have happened to me in the past few years:

-The first time I learned I was fat, I was shopping and had a few pairs of jeans in my hands.  I asked if I could try them on.  The sales lady looked me up and down and shook her head.  I watched, confused, as other people walked in and out of the fitting room.  Well, I wasn’t about to buy jeans without trying them on so I put them back.  I was still holding a button up sweater that I wanted to buy as I continued to browse.  A few minutes later she came back and grabbed everything out of my hands and told me that nothing would fit me in their store.

-I told my very petite local friend this story and she didn’t believe me.  She thought I must have misunderstood something.  We decided to go shopping together so I could show her what it’s like for me.  In the first store, I wanted to try on a dress and she wanted to try on a pair of pants.  She was holding both items when we went to the fitting rooms.  They waved her in, but when she handed the dress to me, a look of flustered embarrassment came over the sales girl as she explained to my friend that I would not be allowed in. 

-When I was getting my scuba diving license, I couldn’t be weighted properly.  They’d never seen anyone as buoyant as me before and made no bones about telling me so.  Standing on the boat in a skin tight wetsuit, I was told I might be too fat to dive.  I promptly lost many pounds of water weight in the form of tears.  And then I got my diving license anyway because if whales can manoeuver themselves in the ocean, I surely can!

-This summer, I went back to Canada and definitely overdid it on eating Reese’s and poutine.  What can I say… these are the things I miss while overseas.  So, after 5 weeks away, I stepped into the staffroom at work.  Immediately, a well-meaning co-worker ran up to me, jumped up and down with excitement, rubbed my belly and congratulated me.  This was the single most embarrassing moment of my life.  It wasn’t a baby-bump at all… just the remnants of my summer fling with cheese curds and gravy, stuffed into my size 7 jeans. 

-Ok, that was awkward, right?  Let’s end this blog on a light note.  So, a few years ago, I was walking on an overpass, across the highway to the train station.  It’s very common to see vendors of all sorts on these overpasses, handing out flyers or peddling their wares.  One man in a business suit said something to me in Chinese and tried handing me a flyer.  I smiled and tried to move on because I didn’t understand him and couldn’t read the flyer.  He then proceeded to yell after me in English, “So fat!  So fat!”  WHAT!?  I carried this horrible phrase around with me for over half a year, until the night of my bachelorette party at a stand-up comedy show.  A comedian came out on stage and proceeded to tell the EXACT same story about his girlfriend.  I was floored!  I wasn’t the only one who’d had to go through this public humiliation, but how was this funny?  Then came the punch line: his girlfriend came home crying and he had to explain to her that Mr. Business Suit was a real estate agent and that “So fat!” was actually a laboured attempt at saying “Show flat.”  This man, without his ability to pronounce “sh” or “l”, was just trying to sell me an apartment!  I have never laughed so hard in my life.

So that's my story.  I'm just an average-sized white girl trying to make it in a Chinese world.