Clicking My Ruby Heels

I’ve been feeling homesick this past week.  Maybe it's because everyone else is talking about going home in a few weeks and I decided to fill a backpack with only the essentials and traipse around Europe instead.  At the time, it seemed like a great idea. I mean, it'll be absolutely awesome, but of course there's a part of me that wishes I was going home.

Maybe it’s because milestone events are happening at home.  My grandma just turned 80 and I’m worried that next time I see her, she won’t remember me.  My dear cousin just got engaged and I wish I could help her celebrate.  Maybe it’s because I was called fat (again)… I’m not fat!  I’m just not Chinese!  Or maybe it’s because I’m tired of travelling forty minutes by train to get fresh produce.  There is very little demand for fresh produce where I live, so sometimes the same head of lettuce will sit on the shelf for a week.  Everything just looks so wilted and limp.

Over the years, I've taken to Photoshopping myself into major family events... like here, directly from Thailand to my sister's baby shower: 

Or sending super hokey Christmas greetings to my parents, via my webcam:

I miss my parents and in-laws and all the love, support and comfort they provide.  I miss my friends and sister: karaoke, board games, fondue parties, camping, backyard drinks, downtown dancing, deep talks, non-stop laughter, never any gossip or drama between us because we know who we are to each other…

My bridesmaids... these girls have been my closest friends since before I can even remember.

I'm so lucky to have all these wonderful ladies in my life (and also those who are not in this picture!  You know who you are!) 

There are a bunch of smaller things I’m missing right now too:  clean air, driving with the windows down and La Vie Boheme blaring on repeat, my favourite restaurants, familiar smells, beaches without shark nets, department stores... I started counting down the days and found I still have 405 days to go.  Sometimes, that doesn’t sound like a big number at all but other times, it may as well be a million.  I’ll be ok.  

How do I know I'll be ok?  I've felt this way before.  It passes.  If you're new to travelling and you feel like this, what should you do?  Here's my advice:

1.       Indulge.  I mean, don’t indulge in Haagen Dazs White Chocolate Raspberry Swirl ice cream every day for the entire month of June when you are getting married in August (hindsight is 20/20) but indulge in something that reminds you of home, and don’t feel guilty about it.

2.       Keep in touch with friends and family. Harass your parents with daily phone calls because your super cheap overseas phone plan allows that.  Write postcards to those archaic people without the internet.   Skype and pray it won’t be too glitchy.  Keep your sister up way too late with silly Facebook conversations that no one else would understand (often as a long string of comments on other people’s photos… sorry to those who have fallen victim to that).

3.       Keep in touch with yourself.  You will become a different person when you travel; this is inevitable.  Embrace the personal growth and evolution, but never forget who you are or where you came from.  Keep a journal, take lots of pictures, write a blog entry on homesickness and see if that helps.  

  

4.       Be grateful.  If you are travelling, you’re probably doing things you never thought you would or even could do.  Are you diving with sharks in Borneo?  On safari in South Africa? Backpacking through rural China and staying at a hostel that needs to be condemned?  Good or bad, never take your opportunities for granted.  Live in each moment and know that both the best and the worst will make amazing stories later.

5.       Pay homage to your country.  For example, I have just spent the entire last week watching Great Big Sea music videos at school while I mark worksheets (and that’s not just because Alan Doyle is a total hottie). 

6.       If you can’t be with the ones you love… love the ones you’re with.  Whether it is someone you meet on the road, at a party or at work, it helps to have someone else in the same boat.  You might become friends with people you never would have met outside of this situation.  Get to know these people because they have at least one thing in common with you… they are away from home and in a new situation too.  I am so lucky to have my husband with me.  This way, we are never alone and can experience everything together.  The stressful situations make us stronger and the happy ones make us closer.   These are definitely the days we’ll be telling our grandkids about. 

7.       Know that it will pass.  You will always miss your family and friends… that won’t change.  But some days are better than others.  With a new adventure around every corner, you will have distractions galore so just roll with it and let the time pass quickly.  

I remember quite a few years ago being out for karaoke with some co-workers in Nanaimo.  My friend David sang an absolutely beautiful and heartwrenching rendition of this song.  I've honestly never seen someone put so much emotion into singing.  He was from China, living in Canada.  At the time, I must admit I had a few tears in my eyes... but now I truly understand.

My HK Top 10

A throwback to my first week living in Hong Kong... nearly 3 years ago!

10.  Bills

Already, you must be thinking I’m crazy.  I love bills?!  Well, not exactly, but compared to my bills in Canada, y    es.  In some respects, Hong Kong has a higher cost of living (though really, that’s more of a lifestyle change I made when moving here- organic foods, fancy restaurants, taking too many taxis… you can still live cheap in Hong Kong, if you want to) but bills are just cheap no matter what!

The following prices are in CDN/US:

-Internet (high speed, wireless, 10x faster than anything even offered in Canada, unlimited bandwidth) $20 per month

-Phone (4000 local minutes, 2000 international minutes, unlimited data, call waiting, call answer, etc.) $17 per month

-Gas $11 for 3 months

-Electricity… haven’t had the first bill yet (was included in our old place) but rumour has it it’s very cheap.

-Income tax… well, I never had to pay income tax in Canada because I never made enough money (pathetic, right?) so any amount of payment seems scary for me, but in HK, you pay on a sliding scale (2% on the first $5300, 7% on the next $5300, 12% on the next $5300 and 17% on the rest). Husband is a good tax deduction too!

9. Nightlife

I'll buy a drink for the first HK person to correctly guess where we are.

So, I’m not super big on going out all the time (getting old), but when I do, I like to do it right.  Hong Kong is one of those cities that never sleeps.  When we go out, we typically start with a nice dinner and end with the sunrise.  What happens in between?!  

Beer Goggles? (Actually, I don't drink Guinness)

Dancing in Lan Kwai Fong (LKF), pub hopping in SoHo, hanging out in “The Coliseum” (a large outdoor casual hangout area between LKF and SoHo where people drink cheap beer from 7-Eleven), 2am foot massages, putting on the ritz at private member clubs, late night beach parties, karaoke, you name it!  Speaking of karaoke…..

Saturday night on the main street in LKF

8. Karaoke

It’s very different from back home.  In HK, you rent a private room with your friends, so there is no audience.  Admittedly, I miss the audience a bit.  I have just recently found a karaoke bar that is about a 10 minute walk from my apartment.  For less than $20 CDN, I can rent a private room, with WiFi, a computer, crazy amounts of karaoke, and free drinks (and slightly more for a buffet, if you happen to be into seafood).  What?!  That sounds awesome!  Is this for one hour?  Two?  No!  It’s for the entire night!!!  Until 5am!!!!  I just found out about the place last week and stayed until midnight on a work night (ooops).  I think I’ll become a regular.  It’s close to home, and gives me some “me time” while doing something I love.

7. Location, Location, Location

Hong Kong is a main hub for the rest of Asia.  You can get to so many different countries with just a quick hour flight and $100 (CDN).  Since living here, I’ve been to Macau (2x), China (4x), Thailand (2x), Taiwan, Singapore, Cambodia, Malaysia, India and South Africa (ok, so that last one isn’t a quick flight or $100, but it was still closer and cheaper than it would have been from Canada).  I love to travel so this is definitely the place for me.

6. People

Honestly, I’m not much of a people person, but Hong Kong people are alright in my books.  (Bring on the generalizations…)   Unfortunately, Hong Kong has a reputation for having some of the rudest people in the world, but it’s all just cultural misunderstandings.  I find that Hong Kong people are just friendly enough, without being overbearing.  North Americans struggle to fill silences with benign small talk.  Here, there are comfortable silences between both friends and strangers.  There is no ‘in-your-face’ attitude but people will still be blunt and truthful if they’re close enough to you to matter.  If you're slightly antisocial like me, Hong Kong offers a very refreshing take on interpersonal relations.     

5.  Waffles

When you think Hong Kong, waffles probably aren’t the first thing that comes to mind.  But Hong Kong street vendors have THE BEST waffles in the world (sorry, Belgium).  They are hot off the waffle press with a thin layer of butter, smothered in peanut butter, and drizzled heavily with condensed milk.  Then they are folded in half and eaten like a taco.  How disgusting is that?!  Disgusting, but delicious.  Sadly, I lost my appetite for these delicacies about a year ago because I saw a woman in Yuen Long stirring a large vat of waffle batter with her entire arm, elbow deep.  Ewwww! 

4. Kung Fu

My first Kung Fu show, in Beijing

I fell in love with Kung Fu in on my first trip to China 2.5 years ago.  I wish it wasn’t too late in my life for me to become a Kung Fu master.  My students are so cute.  They do Kung Fu performances at special school events throughout the year.  Some of them are actually really good.  I like the day of our school Christmas party.  This is day each of the 25 classrooms in our school are full of food, laughter and decorations. It is also the day kids are allowed to bring their Kung Fu swords to school.  I’m just hoping my kids will be interested in it.  I want to raise tiny martial artists.

Kung Fu at the class Christmas party

3. Neighbourhoods

Sunrise view from my rooftop terrace

You can get off the MTR (subway) at any point and have surprises waiting for you.  Sometimes you might find yourself on a busy main street, dwarfed by intense skyscrapers.  Other times, you may find yourself exploring a narrow cobblestone alley bartering for antique treasures (both real and fake antiques).  A short bus ride from an MTR station could bring you to vast wilderness, mountains, snakes and monkeys.  Or you could end up in a quaint local park, complete with koi ponds and pagodas.  My own neighbourhood is quite local.  It is very far removed from the typical pictures you see of Hong Kong.  I like living out here though.  It gives me a break from all the craziness and I am not surrounded by other expats, making me feel like I’m living in Anycity, USA.  (Although living in Central would certainly have it’s positive points that can’t be said for living in Yuen Long: convenience, entertainment, food, etc.)  And living out where I do, there is more chance of encountering (and taking part in) a random lion or dragon dance!

2. Junk Parties

This is when fellow expats gather everyone they know (and everyone their friends know), pool their money, and rent a large wooden yacht (known as a junk) for 8 hours.  The junk travels about 1 hour each way to and from a deserted location (but for the other junks) and then anchors off a tropical beach for 6 hours.  This is a time to drink, eat, talk, swim, etc.  The best junk ever was one that I organized last year, when a shark joined the party.  EVERYONE loved it (honest, it wasn’t just me)! 

View from a junk (taken by my husband)... I have a tonne of junk pictures, but I didn't think people would appreciate pictures of themselves in bikinis on my blog.

1. Black Rainstorm Days and Typhoon Days

I bet you never expected to see me put something about storms as #1 on a list of things I love!  Well, this is my first black rainstorm day and so far, it’s great.  I woke up at 4:30 in the morning and was absolutely terrified by the thunder and lightning.  Those who know me well know that when there is a storm, I revert back to my inner three year old, cry, rock back and forth and hide under my blankets until it goes away.  So at 4:30, I decided to get up a bit earlier for work so I could wait for a cab in the lobby instead of taking the 5 minute walk to work.  To my surprise, I woke up a few hours later to a Facebook message from my co-worker saying work was cancelled due to the ‘black rainstorm warning signal’.  Yay!  I can now bask in my pajamas all day in the comfort and safety of my living room.  Outside, however, a black rainstorm means that we are getting more than 70 mm of rain per hour, with heavy gusts of wind, and lots of thunder and lightning. Yuen Long also has a flood warning.  I was hesitant to put this at #1 on my list because while I am safe in my 39^th story penthouse, I know there are people in small village houses, lean-to homes made of aluminum, and floating villages hoisted up on bamboo poles in the sea.  So despite the fact that I’m enjoying this day off work, let’s hope and pray that everyone can remain safe and dry today. 

****If you’d like to hear about any of these Top Ten in more detail (complete with lots of pictures), let me know and I’ll do a whole blog entry on it.  Umm, don’t choose #10 though.  It’s a boring topic and that’s pretty much all I have to say on the matter.****

The Kingdom of Cambodia

Back in the 80’s, there was a made for TV movie called The Girl Who Spelled Freedom.  It is based on the true story of an American family who thought they were taking in a Cambodian orphan refugee but then arrived at the airport to find they were sponsoring the entire (very large) family.  The main character, Linn Yann, is a young child.  The story follows her from the turbulence of war-torn Cambodia to the American classrooms and grocery stores.  We watch as struggles, adapts and ultimately thrives in her new world, while never forgetting her roots.  The Girl Who Spelled Freedom aired when I was 5 years old and it’s been one of my favourite movies ever since.  VCRs had just come out (or at least we had just gotten one) and my dad took great pleasure in taping EVERYTHING he could off the TV.  (You should see the bootleg VHS collection I grew up with…. truly amazing.)  So I had my own copy of this movie and I’m pretty sure that I’ve watched it more than any other movie (tied with Back to the Future and Pippi Longstocking, of course).  It was just so thought-provoking and touching.  (Spoiler alert so I can explain the name: she’s in a spelling bee.)  As a 5 year old, trying to comprehend a place like 1970’s Cambodia, this movie had such an impact on my life and play.  I wanted more than anything to go to Cambodia and save everyone.  

A bit of background information in a nutshell:  The Khmer Rouge, under the Pol Pot regime, violently took over cities, forcing families to drop everything in an unexpected instant and flee to safety.  But this safety did not really exist.  People were forced into work camps, brought to the brink of starvation, and watched their family members being tortured and killed right in front of them, or even worse, they were separated from their families and left wondering about their fate for years.  Those were the lucky ones.  Others were taken as prisoners to genocide centres where they were tortured beyond imagination before eventually being executed at the killing fields.  The number of casualties from just the main genocide centre, Tuol Sleng, is estimated to be over 20,000 people.  There were places like this all over the country and the Khmer Rouge did not discriminate…. this horrible fate also included children and babies.  To this day, there are millions of landmines unaccounted for all over the country.

Fast forward 26 years when I was blessed with the opportunity to finally travel to Cambodia.  It was a trip I will never forget; Cambodia both stole and broke my heart.  Peace is a very recent thing in Cambodia and these resilient people are doing the best they can to rebuild their lives.  It’s a very terrible situation for children in Cambodia.  Their parents are struggling so much that children often don’t stay in school past grade 2 or so.  There are also many orphans.  I found it very frustrating that the systems and institutions are so corrupt there, it is absolutely impossible to volunteer or help in anyway. Children are forced to work, whether it be hawking goods, begging in the street, or late night prostitution.  I saw things I will never forget.  Travelling to Cambodia is not for the faint of heart.  Despite it all, the Cambodian people are so willing to share their world openly and teach visitors about their ways of life.  

Here's a photographic account of our journey:

Some local children playing in the ruins of Beng Mealea

A lady preparing a meal in one of the many floating villages that surround Tonle Sap Lake

Tonle Sap Lake houses

Sunrise at Angkor Wat.  How we spent our Christmas morning.

The delicious results of our vegan Cambodian cooking class.

Getting a fish massage.  They eat all the dead skin off your feet and leave you feeling baby-soft.  And don't worry, they like it and do this in the wild too, should you find yourself in a pond with them. 

We visited Phnom Tamao Wildlife Sanctuary.  This is where they take care of animals who are injured (often by landmines) and rescued (from poachers or traders).  Here's the cutest baby monkey in the world.  He let me scratch his head.

It's dusty driving conditions in Cambodia.  In the back of a tuk tuk, you must wear a mask so you don't breathe it all in.

At Choeung Ek (The Killing Fields).  This, our last day, was a chilling and somber one.  

Well, That Escalated Quickly

***Special thanks to Chris G. for the title of this entry***

Escalating and Elevating

You’ve probably never given much thought to elevators and escalators.  Maybe it’s because we don’t have many buildings beyond a few stories tall at home, and I usually take the stairs anyway, but before moving to Hong Kong, I had no idea that there was such a thing as escalator etiquette or that elevators could be such infuriating or amusing things. 

Escalators

Maybe there is escalator etiquette everywhere and I’m just not aware of it, but I’ve never noticed it anywhere else.  Hong Kong people have a very organized and precise way of doing things, so it only makes sense that they’d treat escalators in the same way.  No matter the size of the escalator, the district it is in, or the crowd that is on it, the same rule seems to follow:  stand on the left, pass on the right.  It’s just like driving and it really works.  Have you ever been on an escalator and you’re in a hurry but there are a bunch of people in front of you so you just can’t get by?  This would NEVER happen in Hong Kong.  Just pop over to the left side and hurry yourself along.  It’s great!  I love it!  The only thing that ruins it are those pesky tourists (cause I’m a local now, you know).  They don’t know the rules. 

As a side note, it is important to know that that Hong Kong is home to the world’s longest escalator.  There are breaks in the track so people can get on and off, but this escalator goes on FOREVER.  It starts at IFC mall, upstairs from Hong Kong Station and continues into oblivion.  It might even be the proverbial stairway to heaven.  You can go straight through the Central district without ever touching the ground.  I get on the escalator at the station and it takes me about 10 minutes (if I’m being lazy and just standing still) to get to my friend Shannon’s house… and that’s only a tiny part of the escalator.  I’ve never been all the way up (or even close).  I get too distracted by Elgin Street, home to many restaurants and a comedy club.  Shannon’s been all the way to the top though.  If you want an online walking tour of the escalator, complete with pictures, go check out her blog entry on the escalator:  

http://akindleinhongkong.blogspot.hk/2011/06/walking-tour-escalator.html

I broke the unspoken rule, as I was standing still on the left-hand side to take this photo.

Elevators (known here as lifts)

I have a surprising amount to say about elevators.  First, I live on the 39^th floor, so I take one multiple times a day.  I had an really bad ear infection in November and December and now even if I just take a small elevator, my ears pop, or worse, they refuse to pop, causing me a lot of pain.  I guess this is just a lifelong thing now.  I shouldn't take small trips in elevators anyway... I should be taking the stairs!  I used to run 30 stories each night on the stairs in our old building.... haven't done that since we moved.  

It is worth it to mention that there are both extra and missing floors in all Hong Kong buildings.  I say I live on the 39^th floor because that’s what my address says, but really, I’m not sure.  I’d have to figure it out.  There is the ground floor, but that is not the “1^st floor”.  The first floor is one story up… so what we would call the second.  That adds one extra floor (and puts me at 40). However, HK people really don’t like the number 4, so a lot of the time, they will leave floors with this number out completely.  1,2,3,5,6…. Etc, eliminating 14, 24, 34…. And sometimes 13 as a courtesy to westerners.  4, in Cantonese, sounds nearly the same as the word for death…. Hong Kong people are quite superstitious about things like that.

Hong Kong is home to what I can only assume is one of the tallest elevators in the world, as this elevator is in the 5^th tallest building in the world.  At the very top (118 stories up) there is a bar called Ozone.  This is a really beautiful bar, with an amazing view and really REALLY expensive drinks.  I’ve only been to the highest bar in the world once, but it was pretty awesome.  There is an outdoor area (with very high glass walls, because it can get a bit windy up there).  It was quite windy when I was there… and a rain cloud came right into the bar!  (Farewell, meticulously flat-ironed hair!)

Cloud hair!!!!  Look, I'm actually standing INSIDE a rain cloud!

But, back to elevators.  Have you ever seen those signs in elevators that say “21 person capacity” and wondered to yourself how on earth you’d fit 21 people in an elevator?  Well, the Chinese can do it easily.  Daily, I’m in above capacity elevators at work (don’t worry, we’re still under the upper limit of the weight restriction).  It’s cramped, to say the least.  I feel like we’re a bunch of dolls trapped in a toy chest. 

Now for the infuriating things:

I have some sympathy for this situation, but I’m not going to say it didn’t get on my nerves when I was running late for work.  In our old building, since it was in the process of turning into a hotel, we had a lot of tourists from Mainland China.  Many of them came from small villages and had never even seen an elevator before.  And even so, the ones who knew how to operate an elevator couldn’t read the western-style numbers so they had no clue which floor they were on or even which one was the ground floor.  Their solution to this?  Press every button!  Or no buttons.  Many days, the elevator would pick me up on the 23^rd floor with a lot of dumbfounded tourists just riding up and down aimlessly hoping that eventually they’d end up in the lobby.  Other days, we’d visit every floor on the way down as they pressed everything that even remotely looked like a G. 

Button mashing: this is something that should be reserved for video games, not elevators.  Standing outside and elevator and mashing upupupupupupupupupupup for two minutes is not going to make the elevator come any faster (especially if the Mainland tourists have already pressed all the buttons for the other floors) but that doesn’t stop people from giving their finger a workout.  Once in, it’s closecloseclosecloseclosecloseclose.  I honestly don’t think they realize that the doors close on their own.  I find all of this very funny, but if I’m in a mood, it can be the most annoying thing in the world. 

I probably have more to say on the matter, but I have to go teach grade 3 now.  I’m going to go with the other teachers and button mash my way down to the 3^rd floor, which is really the 4^th floor, except there is no 4^th floor.  (Ok, did anyone else read ‘Sideways Stories from Wayside School’ as a kid, because that last sentence totally reminded me of that book…)

Am I Good? Am I Pretty?

Today, while watching videos on Youtube, I somehow stumbled into a dark and tragic corner of the internet.  This is a side of Youtube I didn’t even know existed, and yet it seems that thousands of teenage girls hide in this corner, hoping to see the light.  What I’m referring to is a rather large collection of videos simply titled “Am I Good?” and “Am I Pretty?”  These young girls spend a few minutes talking or singing into the camera, desperately seeking validation from friends, strangers, and creeps.  In the comments section below, there are a fair amount of nice comments, but there are also a fair amount of comments designed to tear a little girl apart.  What kind of coward hides behind the anonymity of an online moniker for the sole purpose of hurting others?  This disgusts me, but these videos and comments are simply the tip of the iceberg.

Recently, a young girl was raped.  Pictures were leaked out all over the internet and society as a whole took the perpetrators’ side (“such promising young boys”…. SERIOUSLY!!!!!!!!!)  She did nothing wrong but had to suffer for it for over a year before finally taking her own life.

Last year, a local teen took his own life after merciless cyber bullying got the best of him.  When I went to the memorial page to leave my condolences for the grieving family, I was shocked to see that the members of 4chan (an online group of sadistic teens who think they are much cooler than they actually are) had desecrated the page with hate messages.  This is where a family was trying to mourn, and the bullying still hadn’t stopped.

A few years ago, a young teenager took a photo and sent it to a stranger on the internet.   That one mistake followed her for years, from city to city, school to school.  The internet is a smaller place than we’d like to think.  She eventually paid for this mistake with her life.

It shatters my heart into a million pieces when I hear about children KILLING themselves because the world has been so unforgiving after their deepest secrets are exploited and biggest mistakes are splattered all over the internet for the world to see.  Leaked photos,  videos that can’t be taken back once viewed, cyber stalkers, and a whole new form of bullying… this is what we’re up against.

Dear Parents and Teachers: 

This is a different world.  This isn’t the same internet we became acquainted with in our late teens or early 20’s.  This isn’t about addicting games or ICQ messages with friends.  This is a scary place where cruelty makes the first move, instant gratification is king and your children are the pawns. Learn about it; educate yourself and then educate the kids in your life.  Don’t hold back.  There’s no censorship on the internet, so there should be none in your discussion about it.  Create boundaries and stick to them.  Monitor it.  Put time limits on computer usage.  Block websites.  Keep your computer in a public area.  Know their passwords.  Yes, you might be uncool.  Yes, your kids might ‘hate’ you.  But it is so worth it.  Their lives are worth it.

Dear Anonymous Cowards: 

I really have nothing to say to you.  You disgust me.    
     

Dear Anonymous Public:
Don’t perpetuate the pain someone is going through by forwarding information you shouldn’t have in the first place.  Go to the authorities when you need to.  Remember there is more than one side to a story.  Remember everyone makes mistakes.  We’re not doing enough to stop this.

Dear Teenagers:

It does get better.  I promise you this.  What you are going through today may seem like the end of the world, but it’s not.  We’ve all been there.  People who tell you that these are the best years of your life are wrong.  They’re not lying but they’re looking back through rose-coloured glasses.  You’ll have a lot more fun as a grown-up.  Yes, you have a lot of freedom and very little responsibility right now, so live it up.  But be smart.  Know that you can’t trust everyone, but the people you can trust would do anything for you.  Know that you may be living it now, but your parents lived it before… and got through it.  They really do know best.  You may feel like nobody understands what you’re going through… don’t isolate yourself.  There are 7 billion people in this world: someone understands.  That person might be closer than you think.  Reach out.  Fame is fleeting, internet fame is even moreso.  Good or bad, it’ll be over soon enough.  Hold your head high… you can get through it.  The reputation you had in high school stays in high school.  As you get older, life gives you plenty of opportunities to reinvent yourself.  Never forget where you came from and who you were, but use those opportunities to grow.  Talk to your parents, teachers, friends, siblings.  Talk to God.  Talk to yourself in journals.  Do whatever works for you.  No mistake is too big.  Except one.  Please don’t take your life… you’ll miss out on so much. 

And to the girls on Youtube…

Yes, you are pretty.  Exercise, eat healthy, brush your teeth, smile… you’ll stay that way, or become even more beautiful.  Look in the mirror and focus on what you like.  But also remember, you are more than your body.  You are more than your face.  You are more than your hair.  Find your inner beauty.  (If all you see is inner beauty, I’d like to assure you that as someone who was definitely a former ugly duckling, you absolutely can ‘grow into your looks’.)  Yes, you can sing.  Practice.  You’ll get better.  Vocal chords are like any other muscle... you can strengthen and improve them.  If you love singing, that passion is all that matters. 

You are good.  You are talented.  You are pretty.  You are you.