Friday, November 26, 2010

Life. Death. Everything Between.

I will say straight away that this is a morbid blog entry.  Do not read it if you are sensitive because this misery of mine wants no company at all.  This week has been straight from hell and I just need to let it out, no holds barred.  (Post Script Note: As it turns out, there is a positive and inspired ending... it may be worth the read after all! But then I feel guilty that I am feeling temporarily better after a brief journal entry while some people's lives are changed forever... and so the cyclic nature of my thoughts shall continue.)

My co-worker, a fellow teacher, committed suicide earlier this week.  I didn’t really know her well, as I am new to the school, but I’m having a very hard time handling this.  She did it in full Hong Kong tradition: jumping from a tall building.  I suppose in North America, drugs and guns are the method of choice because they are so readily available.  Here, skyscrapers line the streets and 60 floor building complexes compartmentalize all 7 million of our city’s residents into 200 square feet apiece; there are ample buildings from which to plunge.  My friend from work said that at least two Hong Kong teachers jump to their deaths each year.  Hong Kong is a city of stress and pressure.  It can be intense, foreboding, and suffocating.  Please don’t get me wrong; it is also full of beauty, culture, nature, and excitement... but as a visitor making this my home for a few years, I view it much differently than someone who has grown up here.  From the outside, looking in, I can really appreciate the academic/societal structure and pressures that start when you’re a toddler and don’t end until you retire... This is not a place I would want to raise my children.  

The news report was so graphic and awful... it actually showed her body on the ground... her body contorted under a thin blanket, her legs twisted and sticking out the bottom... her feet, adorned with red running shoes, as though they were Dorothy’s magic ruby slippers and she just wanted to go home. Then they made a cartoon of the whole thing... showed her in the classroom getting stressed, walking down the aisle very sombrely (she was supposed to get married in March) and her fighting with her mom... finally, the cartoon culminates with her taking a nonchalant leap out the window at the end of a long, dark hallway. If that doesn't give the students, her fiancé, and her mom so much guilt, I don't know what will.  In an attempt for a more complete newscast, the reports then waited outside our school and chased crying teachers down the street for blocks. 

I can’t stop thinking about it.  I obsess over her motives, her last thoughts, what it’s like to fall, what it’s like to land... I can’t fathom it.  I just can’t.  Did she feel the surge of adrenaline I felt during a bungee jumping free-fall?  Did time move slowly as it does during a car accident?  Did she have time to regret the jump?  As my thoughts spin, the anxiety builds.  Panic attacks and insomnia have become my nightly companions; prescription Valium, my sandman.    

On Monday, counsellors ran the classes; everyone was shocked and speaking in Cantonese.  As good as my “Learn Cantonese” website is, it does not cover the topic of workplace suicide, so I felt very isolated.  I sat at my desk and refreshed my Facebook page all day while trying to piece together what was happening but not wanting to ask a mourning friend to give me a broken translation in the midst of all the chaos.  After school, we had mandatory counselling in small groups, where my group kindly used English.  On Tuesday, we were set to have our school picnic.  Our principal wanted to maintain normalcy for the students so we went ahead with the plan.  It felt odd to run, laugh, and feel the sun kiss our faces when such a sinister reality lurked just below the surface.  The day after the picnic is traditionally a day off.  This is the day Harold left for Thailand.  (He is in Bangkok right now with his friend from Taiwan.  I hope they are having a great time.)  Thursday was the first day of real classes this week.  Her class was the first one I was scheduled to teach.  I just couldn’t be the first teacher to address the kids since they learned their teacher died.  I couldn’t be the first one to sit in her desk, turn on her computer, write with her chalk, console her students in a language they could barely understand; I called in sick.  I knew they’d get more solace from having a local, Chinese teacher with them.  Today, I went and had a decent day.  

There is a lot of support in the school right now.  I think this tragedy has brought the staff closer.  Hong Kong society tends to naturally isolate people; small talk is practically non-existent (a fact which I typically adore), people call each other by a very formal “Mr.” or “Ms.,” and I really think you could work in close proximity to someone for years and not know much about their family or hobbies.  I have noticed more of a casual atmosphere at work.  People are going out of their way to say hi to each other or create small talk in the elevator.  I think that while pondering mortality, it put us all more in touch with the little, everyday things in life.  Never miss an opportunity to laugh with someone, to smile at someone... just a simple hello can be enough to remind someone they’re not alone.  You never want to be the one saying “What if... “ or “If only...”  Seize the day, love with your whole heart, experience as deeply as you dare... dance, sing, pray, spend, travel, eat, take risks, try everything once, have no regrets... live your life!

Monday, September 27, 2010

A Short Update Without A Clever Title

It has been a long time since I have written in my blog but I haven’t abandoned the venture, I swear! I’ve actually been sick. It’s weird because no one else around me seems to be sick. At first, I thought it was a bug Harold brought from Canada, but he was fine when he arrived (though he has started to feel sick over the past few days… my fault, I’m sure)… As it turns out, I think I can trace the source of my illness to our lovely friend, Black Mold. Ewwww! I have a dark purple water bottle so I didn’t notice until it got pretty bad. It’s weird though seeing as I only ever keep water in there and I make sure to wash it regularly. At any rate, in my efforts to keep my sick self hydrated, I think I was actually creating the problem. What a catch 22 situation!


So, as you have likely picked up from the last paragraph, Harold has arrived in Hong Kong! I couldn’t be happier. I went to meet him at the airport and I really don’t think I’ve ever been so glad to see anyone in my life. His first week here was sort of blah because we were plagued with the lingering effects of a typhoon’s tail-end. Luckily, the sun is shining now and “rainy season” is almost done. The past few days, we’ve been sitting under palm trees at the pool and planning our wedding.

Before Harold arrived, I spent the weekend at Nicole’s flat and had a wonderful time with her. We hit the town and painted it red. We ate (oh boy, did we ever!), drank, and bar/restaurant hopped in Soho until the wee hours of the morning. We took a ferry ride across the river and watched the buildings put on an incredible light show with shooting lasers and pulsating lights in time to music. The weekend also included shopping, visiting a temple, sipping martinis in a very posh lounge, seeing a live band, dancing, and just a lot of general merriment. The bar scene here is much different from Windsor (and certainly much different from Nanaimo, in that HK actually HAS a bar scene). Everything felt very safe. People were just out having fun and no one was looking to break the law or have a fight. Actually, there don’t seem to be many laws here, and I think that’s why this system works. For example, you can walk around the streets or stores openly drinking a beer. When no one pesters you about the petty little things, there is no forbidden novelty to it and no drive to rebel or abuse your privileges. It’s very much a “live and let live” society with a huge reliance on the honour system.

You know what does need some rules though? The English language. People always say this but you never REALLY notice how ridiculous everything is until you try to teach it. I started teaching this week (yesterday). So far, I’ve only actually taught grade 4 (today) but yesterday I went to different classes to introduce myself. I can’t believe how good it feels to be back in the classroom. This is where I belong… not behind some ridiculous till, in a uniform, small-talking about the weather with a bunch of ingrates. The children are so sweet… and so POLITE. I’m teaching grades 1-4 in their own classrooms, much like the French teachers back home. I also have my own room called “The English Wonderland.” I’m having tonnes of fun decorating it. There is still a bunch of organizing and planning that needs to be done, but once I’m settled in, I know I’ll be very happy here (and I’ll have a lot more to say on the matter).

In other news, we are planning a Christmas trip… anyone care to weigh in on our destination? We are debating between Perth, Thailand, and Bora Bora.

Monday, September 13, 2010

Confucius Says: Man who slings mud loses ground


Today rocked!  I finally ventured out of walking distance.  I don’t know why I was so afraid of the public transit here.  Well, actually, I do know why I was afraid... Hong Kong has light rail, MTR (subway), regular buses, double decker buses , 3 colour coded cab companies (depending on the region), and ferries.  The reason for my fear was simple... I was afraid of getting lost!  However, it turns out that everything is very clearly labelled in both Chinese and English so now there are no more worries.  

Where did I go?  I went to Hong Kong Wetland Park.  It was SO amazing!  Tin Shui Wai used to be completely marshland so there were tonnes of wonderful little swampy animals.  There was one area where there were butterflies EVERYWHERE; they must have been attracted to some sort of plant.  I saw two snails whose shells alone would fit in the palm of my hand... I realize that is an expression commonly used to denote a very tiny size, but for snails, that’s massive.  There were crabs, fish galore, a crocodile (in an enclosure), and even a giant water snake swimming along the mangroves (I emailed the park to find out what kind it is).  

Ok, I’ve saved the best for last.  When I was in grade 4, I did a project on fish.  It’s funny because I’m fairly sure we picked our subject animal out of a hat at random.  As fate would have it, I became hooked on fish... and it wasn’t just “guppy love”.  In fact, my fish research touched me so much that it prompted 9 year old me to beg my parents to let me be a vegetarian so I wouldn’t have to eat fish.  They let me drop fish from my diet but sadly wouldn’t let me off the hook with other animals until much later in my teens.  But, I digress.... a few types of fish became my favourites: my own little pets, catfish, sharks (as anyone who had the pleasure of being around me during shark week would know) and mudskippers.  (Wow, this was a long intro to a short story... Sorry, but it is important you understand just how amazing today was for me.)   Mudskippers are a fish in the goby family that breathe through their skin so that as long as their body stays wet, they can stay out of the water.  They walk along (and jump, dig, run, and roll) on land using their front fins.  Today, I got to see mudskippers in their natural habitat!!!!!!!!!!  They were so cute and hilarious.  They were actually playing right in among the crabs.... I seriously could have watched them for hours.  I’m in love!

Also, I definitely became the very height of Chinese fashion today.  I used a sunbrella.  Around here, all the women walk around with an open umbrella no matter what the weather.  At first, it really caught me off guard, but now I see it’s quite practical (especially with my fair skin).  I still want to tan though, while the Chinese women wish to stay as pale as possible... but it’s nice that after I’ve had enough sun I can just put my umbrella up under a blue sky and not look silly at all.  It’s a very trendy sunbrella too... bright pink with cherries and flowers.  

And the biggest news of all: I cooked a delicious meal (with leftovers) and the hotel is still standing in one piece.  I made a bit of a stir fry with egg noodles and vegetables galore (for those who care: broccoli, celery, onion, mushroom, cherry tomatoes, baby corn, snap peas, butter beans, and tofu) then I seasoned it using only fresh garlic and ginger.  It’s so healthy and I can’t believe it turned out so well!  I think I shall make more for Harold when he comes... he’ll be so impressed that I might be able to pass for a good housewife after all.... all the responsibility shouldn’t lay on my wonderful househusband.  

Speaking of Harold, we booked his flight!!!!!!!!  He’s coming sooner than we’d originally planned because everything is pretty much done at home.  He’s been working so hard he deserves to come here early, escape the rain, and relax by the pool.  He’ll be flying out of Victoria this Saturday and arriving here Sunday night.  I’m soooooooooooo happy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Be sure to check Facebook soon for some new albums.  Tonight, I will try to put up Harold’s mom’s visit to Nanaimo and also the first HK album.
adorable mudskipper and crab
sunbrella
view from my window
my cooking... wow!

Friday, September 10, 2010

Go Greased Lightnin', You're Coasting Through the Heat Lap Trails

Since I arrived last week, my strengths and inadequacies have really become apparent.  I’ve always been very independent and have no qualms about doing things by myself (though I do miss Harold terribly so I’m not doing anything super cool without him)...  Alone, I have gone to the pool, the gym, the movie theatre, restaurants, the mall, etc... cooking, on the other hand, simply baffles me.  Man cannot live on pre-packaged butter masala alone.  It’s a good thing Harold is the master chef of our household.  I’m excited for him to be here for reasons other than his cooking skills, but a nice home cooked meal wouldn’t hurt.  Just a few more weeks until I see him again!  The cooking situation should improve after tomorrow when I can stock the fridge with vegetables in our new flat.  I haven’t done so yet because hotel living feels so temporary.  I’m excited to move to the other building because rumour has it there are somewhere between 30-50 other English teachers living there as well.  

My visa is still going to take a few weeks to process.  In the meantime, I’m going a little stir-crazy (or just crazy?) thinking about all the huge changes we just made.  Did we really just give up our spacious two bedroom house for a closet sized flat (albeit a huge closet)?  Did I really just sell my perfectly road-worthy car to a junkyard for $80 when I worked 2 summers to buy it and am still indebted to MasterCard for the maintenance and repairs? (We shall never speak of this painful ordeal again, understood?)  And most shockingly, didn’t we just pack up our lives a year ago and move to British Columbia?  Nomads, we are!  Except real nomads have little more in their possession than they can fit on their backs.  We, on the other hand, have so much that Harold is still at home dealing with it.  I miss him so much!

I’m not completely alone here though.  My old foe, Lightning (with whom I have quite the sordid past), has decided to pay me a visit the last two nights.  It was late and I was already in bed; certainly not prepared for company.  But Lightning has never exactly been a courteous houseguest: he has aggressively challenged both my home and school to Fight Club style brawls, he has destroyed my property with no regard for my needs or feelings, and he has even been a bit abusive towards me personally.  Lightning swears it’s only when he’s drunk on summer heat and promises he’ll never strike the same place twice, but it’s really changed the nature of our relationship. 

On a few other notes, the pool here is wonderful... the water is just perfect and it really has that tropical resort feel (which makes sense, seeing as this is a tropical resort).  The gym is small, but seems to be a world class facility.  I also like it because no one makes small talk in the gym.  Small talk just doesn’t seem to be a part of the culture here (I would say it’s just because I don’t speak the language, but I don’t see people talking to anyone else either).  Of all the awful small talk, gym small talk is the worst kind.  It is usually an arrogant mixture of muscles, menus, and machismo, laced with flirtations.

I bought a reusable shopping bag yesterday that says, “Care Environment, Care Your Health”.... Also, I bought a skin cream and the instructions read that I can “apply ointment for scorch from ultraviolet rays.”
Thus ends another blog entry, as equally without flow or excitement as the last one.  I promise the good stuff will start soon; I’m still just adjusting.

P.S.  Upon doing some research, I found, via the Hong Kong Weather Authority website, the statistics of that first lightning filled night.  The storm lasted from 9 at night until 3 in the morning (at least we know it put in an honest day’s work!) and had a grand total of 25,305 cloud to ground strikes and 8063 cloud to cloud strikes.  How am I supposed to compete with odds like that? 

P.S.S.  Also, it seems the storms start like clockwork at 9pm.  And here I was clinging to the hope that it was just the nightly fireworks show at Hong Kong Disneyland.  I guess I can stop wishing upon that star!

Monday, September 6, 2010

Dig to China, Dig to China

Well, it’s been a very long few days. A lot of it is a giant blur... but here I am, safe and sound in Hong Kong. I apologize if this is very rambley... I’m still somewhat jetlagged and my mind is fully in BC. Here is a general overview of the last few days. There will be more interesting, clever anecdotes later in the week.

Pre-Boarding

We had a full day planned in Victoria, as my flight wasn’t leaving until 9pm. We had been whale watching a few weeks ago but only saw the top of one grey whale from a great distance away. Because of this, we were offered the opportunity to ride standby for free later on. We figured that would be a wonderful way to spend our last day together but it turns out that a lot of other people also thought that would be a good way to spend the day. Before we even left home, we found out the boat was full. We were disappointed but it was sort of a blessing in disguise because it allowed us to have a much more relaxed departure from Departure Bay (our neighbourhood in Nanaimo, never so aptly named).

At the airport, I had begun to get a horrible pain in my side. It turns out it was all nervous indigestion. Nothing a few Rolaids and frantic text messages to Priya couldn’t handle. Priya thought it was endearing and lovable (I believe those were her words) that my first thought was I’d need an emergency appendectomy while miles high in the middle of the great blue yonder.

Saying goodbye to Harold was the hardest thing ever. I know I’ll see him in just a few more weeks, but I miss him like crazy (we sure do spend a lot of time on Skype these days). How do I walk away from my fiancé and go through the doors to the terminal? As a going away present, he gave me his grandmother’s locket with a picture of him in it. Now he is with me wherever I go.

It’s All Up in the Air

It should be noted that I have only flown a handful of times (all domestic) and that I’m not a good flyer. I have been known to drive or take the train/bus extremely long distances (Mexico, BC, California) to avoid flying. My first flight was only about 20 minutes long from Victoria to Vancouver. It was a small Air Canada Jazz plane and the flight attendant was awesome enough to sit with me for a portion of the flight and really calm my nerves. After, she walked me to the International Terminal for my next flight. I think I shall write to Air Canada about how great she was.

My layover was 5 hours (during which I struggled hard to stay awake) before my red-eye flight direct from Vancouver to Hong Kong with Cathay Pacific. The flight was mostly smooth. I had a window seat and a guy, who clearly hated small talk as much as I do, had the aisle seat. There was a lovely empty seat between us... lots of room to stretch out. I woke him up once because the turbulence was scaring me though; I swear at one point the plane just dropped a few hundred feet.

I won’t bore you with all the flight details... here are the highlights: individual televisions for each seat that were fully equipped with movies (I watched Letters to Juliet and bawled my eyes out), tv shows, music, and video games... amazing food... actually managed to sleep a bit... flying over Tokyo at night was so surreal (it looked like a circuit board full of lights and copper wiring)... right before landing something jumped out of the water near the boat and I think it was a dolphin.

Enter: The Foreigner

Immigration, baggage collection, and customs took about 5 minutes (once I managed to find them in the massive Chek Lap Kok airport... I actually had to take an internal subway just to get there!) Katherine and Belle, two of my new teaching colleagues, were kind enough to meet me at the airport. I appreciate that so much because I would have been very lost otherwise. They helped me buy my Octopus card (used for transit as well as for many other services) and we all took the 45 minute airport shuttle to Tin Shui Wai where we went for lunch, bought a few things, and they helped me get settled in to my hotel.

Harbour Plaza Resort City

Before I left, I booked a room at Harbour Plaza Resort City until September 11th. It is in Tin Shui Wai, the next town over from Yuen Long, where my school is. This place is amazing! It is located right beside the bus station and the light rail trains, there are TWO malls attached to it, a grocery store, multiple restaurants and bars, TWO 7-11 stores (complete with $1 slurpees), a movie theatre, a pool, a gym, tennis courts, a putting green, a huge track, a soccer field, and a very large park with a very neat jogging trail that has built in exercise stops throughout (sit-ups, push-ups, etc). I like it so much here that, after a telephone conference and a video, Harold and I have decided this will be our new home.

Currently, I am in Tower 2, but tomorrow I sign papers and then on Saturday, I will move to Tower 1. I checked out the suite today... it’s small, but big by Hong Kong standards. There will be plenty of room for us both, along with all our stuff... and now we get to stay at this awesome place that really is both a resort and a little city all to itself.

Here's a link to the resort and here is my exploring the grounds:

http://www.harbour-plaza.com/en/home.aspx?hotel_id=hprc&section_id=home&subsection_id=overview


Saturday, August 28, 2010

Sealed with a Kiss

It was a bright and sunny day (the very opposite of a dark and stormy night, so you know it's a good omen). Harold and I were about to go out for breakfast with his mom because it was her last day in town visiting us. I went into the other room to get my purse and by the time I came back, plans had changed. His mom said she wanted to go down to the beach before breakfast to take a few final pictures. We have an amazing pebble beach on our block... it's full of starfish, oysters, and mini-crabs. You have to take a staircase down a cliffside to get there. At the bottom of the stairs, you turn right for the beach or left to take a trail through a dense forest with ferns growing in the underbrush and waterfalls cascading over a giant cliff. As we approached this fork, his mom decided she wanted to run ahead on the wooded trail so she could take pictures of the waterfall at the end. She told us to just go ahead to the beach and she'd catch up with us in a bit. I thought it was a bit strange because we could have just popped by the other end of the trail on the way to the restaurant so she could take her pictures, but who am I to argue with a lawyer?

Harold and I continued down to the beach alone. The view from here is second to none: The ocean stretches out to the horizon where the mainland mountains suddenly rise up and kiss the sky. We walked a bit and then sat down on a fallen tree trunk. We had a brief conversation about how gorgeous it all is and what a crazy year it's been that brought us to this point. Then he told me he'd brought a friend with him. Out of his bag, he pulls this little seal puppet we had from the Vancouver Aquarium. I thought that was so cute. We really love seals and just the day before we had been out kayaking with seals in the Georgia Strait. I figured this was a more than appropriate reason for him to bring a stuffed seal to the beach. Then he told me the seal had brought something along. I laughed, figuring it was a smaller stuffed seal shoved inside the puppet-hole of the first. Imagine my surprise when a ring box popped out! At this point, he didn't really ask, "Will you marry me?" because I just started hugging and kissing him (yes, and crying a bit). We put the ring on my finger and he said, "So I guess this is a yes?" Of course it was!!!!!! Then we strolled along the beach, hand in hand, ankle-deep in the water. So happy.

A while later, his mom came back to the beach and was the first to congratulate us. Being away from our families this year has been hard so I'm very glad we were able to have a family member in town to help us celebrate. The ring, a beautiful white gold with 2 diamonds and 10 sapphires, had actually been her ring. That makes it all the more special. Sneaky Harold actually managed to steal my grad ring to get my engagement ring sized (I wear my grad ring on the ring finger of my other hand) while his mom and I were shoe shopping. What a filthy trick.... distracting me with shoes!

So the plans: they are very unofficial as of yet since we are in the middle of moving to Hong Kong (hence the purpose of this blog). We were originally planning to get married somewhere in Asia next summer (2011). Now we are realizing how expensive and difficult it will be for people to actually come. The very tentative plans are either to get married in Hawaii, as a half-way point between Hong Kong and Ontario, or to have a Caribbean wedding. It will still be next summer. Then we will have a reception in Windsor, possibly sometime over Chinese New Year (2012).

I'm so happy and lucky to have such a wonderful man with whom I can share my life. I love his sense of humour, adventurous spirit, sensitive and sweet side, and, of course, his dashing good looks. I will love and cherish him forever.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

A "Dear John" Letter to a Small Town

Dear Nanaimo,

This brief fling is over.

No, don’t worry, I’m not moving back to Windsor... it’s not like that at all... I promise. Please don’t take this personally. You really are lovely and have a lot to offer, but I just need more from life. I mean, what am I getting out of our current arrangement? I feel like you’re holding me back: you don't let me drive, we never go out anymore, and I know you just don’t appreciate all the hard work I put into my career and education... I need a cultured place that can appreciate who I am and help me grow.

I know what you’re thinking, Nanaimo... Hong Kong isn’t right for me. There are too many people who also call Hong Kong home... I’ll never feel special there. It’s busy (will it ever have time for me?), dirty, and we don’t even speak the same language. Yes, Nanaimo, maybe you’re right and it will be a whirlwind affair. It’s just something I need to do. Please understand.

I wish you well. I hope you find someone who can appreciate the bad with the good. Someone who will love your quaint shops, meandering paths, and world class scenery but will also put up with your inadequate hours of business, uphill roads to nowhere, and 8 month rainy season.

I hope you grow to realize all your dreams... become the big city you strive to be... and when you do, give me a call... we’ll see where you’re at and where I’m at.... maybe we can go for a latté.

Very Sincerely,

Stephanie

P.S. Besides, we both know I really left my heart in San Francisco anyway.